Losing Hold
by Enjoyseries
Summary: Sequel to "The 4th Of July". Peter is struggling to fight with his own demons, still haunting by his sister's death as he finds comfort in the only person he trusts enough. He and Olivia grow closer during the journey that will lead them to unexpected revelation about their hidden feelings. Rated M!
1. Chapter 1

**First of all I'd like to thank all of you guys for the reviews on my previous story! It really meant a lot to me and I'm glad you liked it!**

 **As many of you asked me to do a sequel to "The 4** **th** **of July", I decided it would be best to let it as a one-shot and started a new multi-chapter, following the events.**

 **The chapter two is almost half written but as I go back to work tomorrow, time will be shorter to finish it. Plus, it's quite a difficult part for me so I'm taking my time.**

 **This first one is a short one, but it was the perfect cut.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Olivia was walking down the hallways of the courthouse, files in hands and her purse hanging on her shoulder. Her heels were clattering against the wooden floor with each step taken as she was heading to the ADA office. She knew the way by heart, a feeling of déjà vu each time she was taking the path. She couldn't help but take a second or two before entering the room, she was still struggling to get used to the new name writing on the door. It was still painfully reminding her that her best friend was gone for good.

She was surprised to find the door ajar. She glanced across the gap and noticed a silhouette lying in the couch. She hesitated for a moment, thinking of coming back later. She remembered the time she had entered his office to find him almost half naked. She had felt slightly embarrassed to intrude his intimacy, although he hadn't seemed to be bothered. She had to admit he was a handsome man, in well shape.

She finally entered quietly. She stopped in the middle of the room, halfway to the desk. She turned slightly on her heels and looked at him. Peter was asleep, a few sheets of paper scattered carelessly on his chest. An unknown person could have thought he was sleeping peacefully, but she was starting to know him and she noticed the hard lines on his face that was telling her the exact opposite. She hadn't really seen how exhausted he had been lately. It's true that since the evening of the 4th of July, cases hadn't stopped scrolling, leaving them barely any free time. She didn't think he'd be the type to fall asleep at the office, she didn't see him that way but there were still so many parts she didn't know about him. She observed him one more time and decided it would be better to let him get some rest. She approached the desk, went around and dropped the files she had brought with her.

There were already several files piled on the corner of his desk. Like her, he was getting caught up in the paperwork, cases chaining one after the other, where each victim was waiting for justice to be done. As she put her files next to the old ones, her eyes fell on the frames standing on the edge of the desk. The first one was a baseball player holding a bat, the picture had been taken from behind, the second one was with two young children. She presumed it was Peter with his sister. A memory from their childhood he was keeping next to him.

Her thoughts were suddenly broke away as she heard some mumblings. At first she thought he had woken up and said something to her, but she turned around to face him and found him still asleep. He was frowning and his whole body was tensed. He seemed to be experiencing some agitated dream.

He kept saying the same inaudible word over and over again. It's only when she was at a few feet away from him that she finally understood it.

"Mh..Pam.."

Her heart clenched at the name.

"Pam…"

She walked closer and leaned over him, putting her hand carefully on his biceps.

"Peter.." She softly tried to wake him up, but he didn't react.

"Pam… NO!"

"Peter, wake up!"

He jumped, sinking a little deeper into the armrest of the couch. He was a little panicked as his wide eyes fell on Olivia's face. He recognized her immediately, and quickly took a hold of himself as he didn't want to show her any sight of weakness.

Olivia sat on the edge of the coffee table that was right behind her as she slid her hand up to his shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

Her voice was soft and caring, he could see her worries in the corner of her eyes. His heart was still pounding fast as the scenes were still circling in his head. Peter straightened himself in a sitting position and put the few pieces of paper aside, making Olivia withdrawing her hand. She hadn't noticed how close they were until one of his leg bumped into hers. She tried to ignore the odd feeling as she saw him leaned on his knees, holding his head between his hands.

"How long have you been here?"

He dropped his hands, looking away. He couldn't bear the thought of being so opened in front of someone, and he was feeling ashamed to show his emotions to Olivia.

"I was just passing by to drop you the missing files for the hearing tomorrow."

He nodded once, still avoiding any eye contact with her. Olivia noticed he was playing nervously with his hands, probably unconsciously.

"You want to talk about it?"

"I'm fine. You should go home, Noah's probably hopping up and down to see his mommy."

He briefly smiled, and got up to his feet. He walked towards his desk, cutting all closeness and intimacy with Olivia.

"I'm gonna check the files you brought and get ready for the hearing. Thank you for coming."

She stood up at her turn, observing him as he sat on his chair. She looked at him suspiciously, she tried to analyze his face but she saw nothing. He was very good at hiding his emotions. Olivia decided to leave him some space. She knew that if he really needed to speak, he would come from himself. She was the same, she knew the feeling of having to confront everyone's face of pity when you were showing your weaknesses. She understood him better than anyone. She left the office, offering him another warm smile. As soon as she closed the door, Peter took a deep breath, fighting the tears threatening to sink.

* * *

"Another one!"

The bartender looked at him for a moment.

"I think you've had enough for the night, sir."

"Hey, I'm a very _very_ good lawyer! I know what I'm doing. I said another one!"

His voice was dizzy, he was struggling to articulate properly. He was barely sitting straight, holding his empty glass to the bartender impatiently.

"I won't do it."

The man hold his gaze long enough to be sure he understood, he was determined not to serve him what he asked for. Peter's fingers huddled fiercely around the glass, he could feel the anger rising in his chest but managed to control himself somehow. The man was used to see a lot of people trying to swallow their pain into the taste of alcohol. Most of them were drunkard, but he could see that Peter wasn't the type.

He quickly put the glass down but didn't handle his strength and with the pressure exerted by his fingers, the glass broke in pieces with the choc on the counter.

He slightly winced as the blood was flowing from his hand. The bartender quickly handed him a towel. The pain was bearable, he wasn't really realizing what was happening, probably because of the alcohol.

"That's it, man. Call a taxi, or a friend and go home."

Peter looked down at his hand. _A friend._ He got lost in his thoughts, thinking of calling the only person who could help him right now.

 _To be continued…_


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you're the reviews! I appreciate all your kind words. I hope I'm not disappointing you with this one. Tell me if you want to see something in particular with these two ;)**

* * *

Olivia certainly hadn't expected that type of call in the middle of the night. She had been getting out of her sleep when her phone vibrated on her nightstand, Peter's name appearing on the screen.

 _"I need your help."_

She had called Lucy immediately, apologized a thousand times for having called her at this hour of the night and thanked her a thousand more when she had arrived twenty minutes later.

She worried about this call the whole ride until there. He hadn't seemed alright at all, he hadn't explained anything to her. She had just left and headed to the address he had given her.

When she entered the bar she immediately spotted him slouched on a barstool. The place was almost empty. As soon as he had heard the bell at the door, he looked over his shoulder and noticed her.

"Heey, look who's here!"

Despite his smile he was looking miserable. She finally understood why he had seemed so weird on the phone earlier seeing the drunkenness he was in now. She had never seen him like that and didn't know how to act with him. She glanced at him and he seemed to be alright until her heart skipped a bit when she finally noticed the bloodied towel around his hand.

"What the hell happened, Peter?"

"Aah, this man right here doesn't want to pour me another drink."

He didn't really answer her question.

"I think you've had enough for the night."

She tried to reason him, putting a hand on his forearm. Her voice was soft and quiet.

"He hurt himself with a glass." The bartender approached them, and answered her instead. She felt a bit relieved knowing that at least he didn't get in any troubles.

"Alright, let's get you home."

She grabbed his elbow to make him stand up.

"Make sure to clean it up." The man behind the bar added, pointing his wounded hand with his finger. Olivia nodded to him and thanked him.

"Can you walk on your own?"

"Of course I can!"

He snorted and got up on his feet, certain to be able to walk as if he was totally sober, but he was quickly hit by a wave of dizziness and almost tripped.

"Wow, wow. Take it easy."

Olivia caught him and steadied him by passing an arm around his waist. Her other hand was holding on his biceps. They both made their way out of the bar, carefully walking out in the streets. Peter reached into his jean pocket and grabbed his keys.

"Where are you parked?"

"I- erh, I don't… I don't remember."

He looked at her with an apologetic smile and she smiled back at him before taking his keys. She pressed the unlock button, hoping he hadn't park too far away and hopefully he didn't. She quickly spotted the car thanks to the orange headlights blinking a few meters away from them.

The ride had been quiet. Once he had given her his address, he had instantly fallen asleep on the passenger seat. Olivia was throwing looks once in a while to be sure he was okay. She couldn't help but feeling guilty about this. She saw him being tormented but still, she chose to go and respected his privacy. She should have insisted, make him talked earlier in his office. Maybe it would have avoiding him to end up plastered at a bar, calling her for help in the middle of the night. Although she was relieved he did.

She couldn't stand the sight of him being that miserable. She couldn't do much, only Peter could find the strength in himself to overcome all of that. All she could do was support him in this long and painful journey.

They arrived at the building faster than she could have thought. After having hardly climbed the few stairs at the entrance, they finally made it inside and quickly found themselves in his apartment.

Olivia felt a bit odd entering his intimacy. She didn't really stop to look around as she led him to the couch, she'd rather focus on him than on the wave of mixed feelings inside her stomach. She led him to the living room and he let himself fall heavily on the couch with a groan.

As soon as his body hit the softness of the cushions, his mind slowly drifted away and he couldn't hold his head anymore as it was falling backwards.

"Hey, don't sleep on me! We still have to clean your wound."

He raised his head with difficulty and tried to keep his eyes open.

"I just need… to sleep."

"Do you have a first aid kit?"

"Bathroom." He mumbled.

She blindly walked further in his apartment. She tried the first room on her left, but it appeared to be his bedroom. She quickly closed the door, feeling more embarrassed than she could be right now and tried another one. Somehow, she finally made it to the bathroom and found the kit in the furniture under the sink.

When she walked back to the living room, Peter hadn't moved from a millimeter. His head was leaning back, resting against the sofa. He opened his eyes when he felt the cushions moving next to him as she sat on the couch.

"Let me take a look at your hand."

He stretched out his hand to her, and she carefully took the towel off.

"It's nothing serious."

His palm was red, the cut weren't that deep but it was enough to lose a lot of blood. It was more impressive than serious.

Olivia opened the box and took out some disinfectant pads. She started to clean the area around the wound first, wiping off the dried blood. Her movements were soft and slow, just as light as a feather. Peter thought she sure had a lot of experience in scratches, with a young kid at home. If he wasn't that wrecked, it would have found this situation kinda funny.

None of them were saying a word, the room was filled with a comforting silent. Peter was struggling against the sleep that only wanted to win him. He didn't want to sleep, not now. He started to let his eyes wandering on her. He looked at her face, she was focused on the task and didn't seem to notice his gaze. He allowed himself for a brief moment to look at her as more than a friend. He didn't know if it was the alcohol playing with his feelings or disturbing his thoughts, but he couldn't help finding her even more beautiful tonight.

Her brown hair was falling down her face. He had to hold the urge to put a strand of her hair back behind her ear. He had never really noticed the waves in her hair until now, and he found it adorable. He noticed some wrinkles, those same wrinkles frowning when something was annoying her or when she was concentrated just like now. He gazed at her eyes, her eyelashes and her nose. He couldn't stop looking at her. It almost felt like an obsession, a need to anchor her face in his mind.

He never let himself see Olivia as a woman he could fall in love with. He was respecting her too much for that and he was convinced that a woman like her could never care about a man like him. He didn't know much about her past, but he could see in her eyes that life hadn't been easy on her. She was coming back from far away, she had undoubtedly seen and lived many more atrocious things than he could ever imagine. He was amazed by her courage, her determination and strength. He admired her as a co-worker, mother and woman.

Shyly, he then let his eyes lingering on her mouth. He briefly wondered how it would be to feel her lips against his but quickly got rid of the thought as he could feel his cheeks burning. He suddenly got back to reality when he felt a hint of pain rushing through his hand that made him wince.

"Sorry."

Peter cleared his throat and looked back at his hand. She had finished cleaning the wound, put a compress on the cut and was now encircling his hand with a bandage.

"It should be good now."

She smiled and finally looked up to him. She hadn't expected him to look at her so deeply and it confused her. She didn't know what to do or how to act so she gathered all the stuff from the kit and got up from the couch.

She didn't know why she was feeling so uncomfortable in front of him, it wasn't as if she was seventeen or something anymore. Despite all her efforts to turn her feelings down about this, she couldn't get out of her head the fact that, maybe, there could be a future for them. Whenever she was thinking about that, even for a slight second, she mentally treated herself an idiot and drove these ideas out of her mind. Why would a man like him be attracted to a woman like her? He was just feeling lonely and was looking for comfort in a friend. Each time she had given in a relationship with a man, it always ended the same. Why would it work now? Why would it be different?

On her way back to the living room, she finally let her eyes wandered on the interior. The decoration was pure and modern. There weren't much of furniture, everything was perfectly tidy and in its place. Her eyes stopped for a moment on the few photos adorning the wall of the corridor. All were childhood pictures, probably with his mother and sister. She was only half surprised not to find a figure paternal on it.

She was also half surprised to find him dozed off on the couch. He had switched in a lying position and was finally sleeping. He was looking peaceful, probably thanks to the alcohol that made him sink to a deep sleep. She walked closer and grabbed the tartan rug folded on the back of the sofa. She unfolded it and laid it down carefully on him, up to his elbows. She held her breath for a second when she saw him stir. He took a deep breath by the nose and settled himself more comfortably in the cushions.

"Thank you, for everything." He whispered.

She leaned over him and in a hesitant movement she raised her hand to his face. She didn't think about anything in that moment, she wasn't even listening anymore to the tiny voice screaming in her head that it was a terrible idea. She just softly stroked his hair back, twice.

"Go back to sleep, I'm not going anywhere for now."

She hadn't really thought about the rest of the night, she hadn't planned on anything. She knew Noah was safe at home, deeply sleeping in his bed with Lucy looking after him. She just didn't feel it right to let Peter alone tonight, or at least not in the next hours.

She took the decision to sit in the armchair next to the couch. She didn't know for a long she was going to stay, but it wasn't until she was sure he was completely safe. Would it feel weird to watch him sleep? She didn't care for a slight second, she was here for him and it's all that mattered to her.

She settled herself in a cozy position, her arms folded against her chest. She leaned her head against the back of the chair.

"Liv?"

"Yes?"

"You're really beautiful."

The words were almost inaudible she first thought she had imagined it and her heart skipped a beat. Did she really hear what he had said? He was still drunk, tired and on the edge of sleeping, he was confused and could easily talk nonsense. She could feel the smile growing on her face and this time she didn't even try to hold it back.

* * *

The next morning, Peter was walking in the police station quietly. He had thought about thanking her in so many possible ways but couldn't choose one among them.

He had woken up this morning on his couch, with his back totally screwed, a terrible headache and a sore neck. He immediately recognized the smell of fresh coffee and wondered what the hell had happened that night.

Slowly the events were getting back to him: the bar, the whisky, the glass, the phone call,... _Olivia._ His heart started to pound faster at the thought of her and had hoped she was still there. After having walk around the apartment, he was a bit disappointed to find out she had left when he was still asleep.

He quickly started to feel guilty about what happened. He couldn't be grateful enough, and needed to see her as quickly as possible.

The squad was surprised to see him there at this hour of the day. The hearing was only starting at 11:00 am and he wasn't supposed to be here for the case anymore. Still they didn't say a word and let him walked to Olivia's office.

He knocked twice and waited for her answer before coming in.

"Peter?" Olivia was sitting at her desk and frowned at his sight. "I thought we agreed on meeting at the courthouse before the hearing." She put her glasses down.

"I know, I know." He paused, "I- ah…"

He didn't know how to start, or what to say.

"I'm sorry for last night. I don't remember much of it, but one thing I know is that I couldn't have made it home safely without you, so thank you."

Olivia smiled to him as an acknowledgment to his apologizes. She wanted to tell him he didn't need to do it, that she would have done it the same if he asked for her help again but nothing came out of her mouth. She wasn't really good at words when it was coming to personal stuff. She hadn't forgotten the words he told her, and wondered if he remembered that part of the night.

"Well, you don't have to be sorry for that. I was happy to be here for you."

Peter nodded with a smile, and silently walked back towards the door.

"See you at the hearing."

"Peter.."

He stopped and turned around to face her.

"I know you're going through a hard time. You need to know that you are not alone."

He looked down for a second then put his hand on the door handle. He was about to open the door when he suddenly thought about something.

"I'd like to invite you for dinner tonight. I think I owe you a good meal after what I put you through last night."

They both chuckled and she kept quiet for a few seconds, thinking about his proposition.

"Yeah, I would be thrilled to share a meal with you."

"Alright, it's settled then."

And in one swift movement, Peter was out of her sight.

 _To be continued…_


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so, so much for all the reviews!** **Here's a quick update, hope you will like it.**

* * *

Peter was patiently waiting for Olivia to arrive at the restaurant. He'd been sitting at the table for about ten minutes now. He didn't really know how to dress, he didn't want to look too chic or too casual so he finally opted for jeans and a white shirt and rolled up his sleeves.

He hadn't felt that nervous since his first hearing when he was a young lawyer starting his career. He was checking his phone every five seconds, looking at the hour and gazing for any messages that would tell she had cancelled. He still couldn't believe she had agreed on dinning with him. He was really happy to finally spend some time with Olivia elsewhere than on the job.

He didn't really know where all of this was going, where _they_ were going but he didn't really mind it. He just wanted to get to know her. She was fascinating him with her fierce, her dedication for the job. He could see it through their many fights during cases. She was always right, in a way or another. Though this was something he wouldn't tell her to preserve a semblance of ego. She was really good at doing her job.

He got out of his thoughts when he noticed her silhouette from afar entering the restaurant.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. Lucy got stuck on the traffic." She was breathless and had walked on a quick step towards the table. He got up on his feet, inviting her to sit as he showed the chair with his hand.

"No problem. Who's Noah?"

"He's fine. Really excited about that trip he's going to make with his school."

She sat and took off her jacket, pulling it on the back of the chair. She had also dropped the working outfit to more comfortable clothes. She was dressed in a pair of jeans, boots and a chic blouse.

"Oh I bet he must be thrilled. I created my best childhood memories with those trips."

"Yeah, well. I'm less overjoyed than him though."

She raised her eyebrows and looked down for a second. Peter guessed she was still traumatized by the kidnapping of his son, and that she wasn't ready to let him go far away from her yet. He chose not to bring out the subject though.

"How's your hand?"

"Ah good, thank you. You took good care of me."

They both chuckled. His hand was still rounded in a bandage but it was healing well.

"Erh, Olivia-" He scratched his head, feeling slightly embarrassed, "I'm really not proud of how you found me in that bar, I-"

"You don't have to justify yourself, I totally understand."

She didn't want to force him to speak out his feelings. She knew well how hard it could be to tell someone.

"I didn't want to go home."

Olivia didn't answer and let him speak out. She was carefully listening to him.

"Whenever I close my eyes I have this moment, repeating itself in my head and… I guess I just needed to forget."

"It would be easier, wouldn't it? If we could just erase the bad memories and keep only the good."

"Yeah, it sure would."

They both looked into each other's eyes. Olivia noticed his usual smirk on the corner of his mouth. She never really seen how squared was his jaw until now, and she kinda found it hot. She had to admit he was a handsome man, but she also reminded herself that he was way too young for her. She tensed a bit when she noticed he caught her checking on him and straightened in her chair.

"So, about that case. I know we don't agree about th-"

"I didn't invite you for diner to talk about work. Not tonight."

He politely cut her off with a soft smile. Olivia arched an eyebrow in surprise, a smirk growing on her face.

"Okay."

"I just want us to spend a nice evening, without much of worries."

They indeed spent a nice evening, filled with nice chat and laughter. The food was tasty and the wine was good, there weren't a lot of people so the restaurant didn't look like a fair where people were screaming to hear each other speak.

They hadn't talked about work, not once. Olivia had to admit she appreciated that detail. She really needed a break and Peter needed to change his mind.

When they had finished dinner, Peter had insisted on walking her home. Her apartment wasn't that far and the weather was really good. Plus, neither of them wanted the evening to end yet.

The first minutes were quiet. None of them were speaking as they were simply enjoying each other's company. But then Peter was dying to ask a question he had thought about for a moment now and couldn't hold it any longer.

"Why did you choose this job? It was a little girl's dream or something?"

Olivia snorted and shook her head.

"Not really." She paused, "I-it was a bit more complicated than that."

"I heard you must volunteer to be part of the special victims unit. So this was a choice."

"Yes, I did choose to enter the unit. But, it wasn't…"

Olivia was searching for the right words, not really wanting to let him know about the real reason she had joined it years ago. She didn't like talking about it.

"Yes, I understand."

Peter smiled to her softly, letting her know it was okay not to tell him everything. She was grateful for him not to have pushed her on this side.

"What about you? I believe you weren't really destined to end up in a courthouse, right?"

"Absolutely not." He laughed, "when my baseball career ended, I was miserable. I took bad decisions, many times, that led me to the wrong people and the wrong places. Until the day my father put me out of the mess I got into and forced me to follow his rules. He didn't really let me the choice and a few months later I was accepted into the most prestigious school law."

"He surely wanted what was best for you."

"Trust me, all my father ever cared about was his reputation."

"You two weren't close?"

Peter shrugged.

"He was really good at his job. Hell, he was the best. But he was a terrible husband and father."

"You never talked about your mother?"

Her question was hesitant, she didn't know if it was a though subject but she was surprised not to see any flinches on his face.

"My parents got divorced when I was five. She left us, my sister and I. Couldn't blame her though, it was my father's fault."

"You never heard of her anymore, did you?"

"No, she totally disappeared. I guess Pam and I were just the collateral damages of a wrong marriage."

Olivia nodded, feeling exactly what he had meant with the collateral damages. They walked again side by side in silence. They were feeling comfortable with each other's presence. They didn't really need to fill the silence with useless talks and it'd been a long time since they both felt this kind of connection with someone.

"Hey, do you see what I see?"

Peter had stopped walking, looking at the stand about twenty meters down the park along the sidewalk. He had the face of a child waking up on Christmas morning who just found all the gifts under the tree.

"What, the ice cream seller?"

Peter shrugged, raising his eyebrows.

"Are you serious?"

Olivia started to laugh and raised her hands in defense. She wasn't really convinced about the idea. Peter suddenly surprised her by grabbing her hand and pulled her with him as he walked towards the stand.

"Come on, it's just ice cream."

She let herself be guided by him to the salesman. Olivia finally gave in when he handed her a cone, he had guessed her taste perfectly, ordering a raspberry ice cream. She looked at him, raising an eyebrow and finally took it in her hand.

They walked back to the sidewalk, both licking their ice cream in silence. They both had an amused look on their face. After a few minutes, Olivia could feel his insistent gaze on her. She turned to look at him and his eyes fell upon her mouth.

"What?"

"You have," he showed his lip with his finger, "ice cream on-"

"Oh."

Olivia immediately tried to wipe it off with her thumb but missed it twice.

"Let me, just…"

Peter hesitantly reached out with his hand, and brought it up to her face. She didn't move and held her breath. Her mouth was slightly opened and his thumb slowly touched her lower lip. In one swift movement he wiped out the corner of her mouth, getting rid of the ice cream.

"Thank you."

Olivia cleared her throat as Peter was still looking at her intensely. She didn't want to, but somehow her eyes crossed his and they got lost in each other's gaze. They both were aware something was going on between them, but neither Peter nor Olivia was ready to admit it.

* * *

She could feel the knot in her stomach growing and her heart beating faster in her chest as they were slowly getting closer to her building. She knew they were about to part soon and she quickly started to think about a way to say goodbye without sounding too awkward.

"So…"

This wasn't really what she had meant by a better way to say goodbye, although it was the only thing that came out of her mouth when they were finally facing her building. She stopped walking and turned around to face him.

"So…"

He repeated her word, smirking at her.

"Thank you for tonight, I really enjoyed your company."

She hesitated for a moment between letting him go and proposing him a last glass inside her apartment, but her reason quickly took the lead this time.

"Me too. Say hi to Noah from me."

"I will." She smiled at him and started to walk away from him.

"Oh and, Olivia."

She turned around at her name.

"I didn't lie when I said you were beautiful last night. I really think so."

 _He remembered…_ She suddenly felt shy, yelling at her mentally to feel such like a teenager.

"Lieutenant Benson, are you blushing?"

Peter joked, feigning to be overly shocked about it and made her laugh. She shook her head, closing her eyes.

"Goodnight, Mister Stone."

Her voice sounded more like a warning but he could clearly see in her eyes she was as amused as him by this little game they were starting. They both shared one last glance as she finally turned her back on him and walked towards the front door of her building. Peter watched her leave and wanted to be sure she made it inside safely before walking away at his turn.

After a few blocks, he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket and smiled internally as he hoped it was a text message from her. He frowned when he finally noticed the sender's name appearing on his screen.

 _I'm in town. Are you free to meet?_ _– J._

* * *

 _To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm truly sorry for the long wait. I haven't given up on the story, I just struggled a lot to write this chapter. It's longer than the previous ones and it's kinda different too. This one is more focused on the case, there is not much of #Benstone in it, but it was needed to build the plot.**

 **I hope you won't be mad for this. I promise to post the next one quickier!**

* * *

It was in the early morning that Olivia received a phone call, letting her know about the new case. She had cursed her cellphone when the ring pulled her out of her deep sleep. Noah had been particularly difficult the night before as he didn't want to go to bed. He kept talking about everything and nothing, asking about stuff until it came to the only question Olivia would have never thought of.

He had asked her about Peter, and when they would see him again to watch fireworks. The question had surprised her. She'd never really noticed how much the moment of that night they all spent together had marked the boy's mind.

She had to admit it'd been a few days since she had heard anything from him outside of the work. He had remained neutral and distant at each of their encounters. She had, however, secretly hoped that he would have offered her new proposition to diner or something but all she had been able to get from him in recent days were only a few words of courtesy.

After having managed to get out of the bed and called the nanny, she took the road to the office. In no time she was walking in the precinct, dressed in a pair of black jean, white shirt and her jacket on. The team was already gathered in the squad room, in front of the white board and was waiting for her.

"Guys, what do we got here?" She greeted them quickly, going right to the point. She dropped her bag on a chair and took of her jacket as Rollins got up with some photography in hands.

"Mila Johnson, nineteen years old. One of her friends told us she confided in having been raped by someone on the college campus." She hung the portrait of the girl on the board.

"That's all we know?" Olivia was surprised about the few elements they had to start the investigation.

"Well, she didn't tell anything else to her friend. She said it happened a few weeks ago. She's staying at her parents since yesterday."

"So no rape kit, no call to the police or anything?"

Amanda shook her head.

"Alright, you and Carisi go to the campus and find out about her habits, if there's been a change in her behavior lately or if anyone could have seen anything." She paused, "I'm going to see Mila and try to talk to her."

* * *

"I can't believe there is another case like this." Carisi whispered to Amanda as they were walking a few feet behind the concierge of the residence. He was a bit mad and torn about that case. It felt like a feeling of déjà-vu, and it pulled him back a few months ago when this was his niece instead of that girl, Mila.

"Unfortunately, it happens more times than we can imagine in this kind of places." She whispered back, as they entered a long hallway. "You're good?"

He nodded.

"Here's her room. She shares it with another girl, Hailey. Since we're on holiday time, not a lot of students stay on campus during this period. For now, the room is empty." The concierge unlocked the door and opened it, letting the two detectives walk in.

"What can you tell us about Mila?" Rollins asked the lady.

"Oh, well. She's a brilliant student." The woman didn't seem quite cooperative and Amanda could feel she wasn't telling everything. She was nervous and playing with her hands.

"And? Is she the kind to get in troubles or does she have bad company?"

"No, Mila isn't the kind of girl who goes out often. She seems discreet and responsible. Her roommate, on the other side, is quite more disruptive."

"Did you hear Mila or her friends talking about an assault, a guy that could have been violent or disrespectful with her?"

"No, nothing."

"Alright…" Amanda paused, looking at her suspiciously.

"If you have no other questions, I have to go back to work." The woman told them, and Carisi nodded to her. In no time, she was out of their sight.

"Well, she's hiding things from us."

"At least, we can go through her stuff to find any evidence that could help us."

Amanda walked to the desk, several folders were scattered everywhere. She quickly went through the sheets but found nothing interesting. Carisi did the same on the side of the bed, her nightstand was tidy and nothing was there expect a few books.

"There's nothing more than school stuff here." She said as she was rummaging through the things in the drawers of the desk.

"No photos, no diary… There's nothing personal here."

"This is quite surprising when you think they spend most of their time on the campus, in their rooms."

"I hope Olivia will be luckier on this one."

* * *

Olivia had arrived at the Timmerman's house. She couldn't help but feel a deep disgust at humanity as she was climbing the stairs to the front door of the house. She had no choice but notice the growing amount of sexual assaults on university campus, and these crimes were becoming more common among teens and young adults. She pressed the doorbell and a few seconds later a woman that must have been Mila's mother opened the door.

"Hello, I'm Lieutenant Olivia Benson. I'm in charge of the investigation as part of your daughter's aggression." She paused, as she could feel she wasn't really welcomed. "Um, may I come in so we can talk?"

"No, no. My daughter is resting. I don't want any fuss in her life. She has already gone through a lot. Leave us alone, please."

The woman was closing the door but Olivia managed to put her hand in the way and blocked it.

"Please, I know this is a hard time right now. But I really need to talk to your daughter. If you want justice about whoever did this to her, you have to let me in." The woman was broken and her eyes were red and swollen. "Please, let me help you."

After a few more seconds of hesitation, she slowly opened the door again and finally let her come in.

The house was spacious and luxurious. It was also strangely empty and a little cold. Olivia hadn't really had the time to venture more as the mother led her upstairs to her daughter's bedroom.

She nodded to the woman, thanking her as she left them alone. She stood there, silently before speaking. The brown headed girl was sitting on her bed, her arms encircling her own body as she was looking through the window.

"Hey, Mila?" The girl turned her head and looked at Olivia, who was standing at the threshold.

"I'm Olivia Benson. I-um, I'm here to talk about what happened to you on the campus."

"I don't want to talk about it." Her voice was cold, and she turned away her head again.

"I know, I know." She walked slowly in the room.

"This was a mistake, nothing happened."

"That's not what your friend told us."

"I shouldn't have told her anyway."

"Do you know who did this to you?" Olivia was standing at the edge of her bed. She was trying to elaborate an eye contact with her.

"No."

"Do you remember anything?"

"No."

"Mila, if you don't tell me what you know I won't be able to help you."

The girl looked straight ahead, she didn't say a word, didn't glance at Olivia. She knew she wasn't gonna be able to have anything from the girl seeing her resistance. She sighed, and took out a card from her jacket.

"Alright, here's my card." She handed it to her but as the girl didn't move, she put it down on the bed. "If you remember anything, even a small detail, just call me."

Olivia walked back to the door. She didn't want to push her, she well knew there wasn't anything to win from acting like that. Although she was hoping Mila would somehow change her mind and talk to her before she left the room.

"It was a cold night."

The voice's girl stopped her and she turned back to her. The girl had brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

"I didn't want to…" The tears were gathering in the corner of her eyes and her voice was suddenly shy and shaking. "I said no, I wanted to leave and go back to my room."

"Where did it happen?" Olivia's voice was so soft and caring.

"At a stupid sorority party. My roommate convinced me to go with her."

Olivia approached her until she was next to the bed and sat on the mattress.

"I never go on those stupid parties, I never liked it. But I wanted to prove her I could have fun too." She paused. "He wanted to show me something upstairs. I shouldn't have followed him, I'm so stupid."

"Hey, hey. You're not stupid." She put her hand on her arm and stroked it gently with her thumb. "This isn't your fault, Mila."

"Of course, it is. What kind of girl is stupid enough to not see it clearly?" The girl jerked and Olivia withdrew her hand. She couldn't fight the tears back as they started to stream down her face.

"Do you know his name? Do you know him?"

The girl looked at Olivia with a frightened expression. She just shook her head and didn't say anything.

"Mila, this is important."

"I'm not telling you his name."

"Alright, it's okay." She paused. "Just let's keep talking about what happened next okay?"

She nodded, and swallowed the lump in the back of her throat.

"I thought we were going on the rooftop, but then he grabbed my hand and pulled me in a room and closed the door. It happened so quickly I didn't have the time to say anything."

"He led you to his bedroom?"

"He started to kiss me. I-I didn't know what to do so I kissed him back." She paused again. "Suddenly, I just felt him pushing me on the bed behind me and that's when I realized what was happening."

"Did you tell him to stop?"

"Yes, I did. Several times."

"And what he did?"

"He kept going. He said- he said I was gonna thank him for this later."

She brought her hands to her face and hid behind them. She was feeling so ashamed and heartbroken.

"Mila, you will have to come with me to the police station so that we can take your deposition."

"No, no I don't-" She raised her head, not agreed at all with what Olivia just said.

"It's okay, I'm gonna be with you all the time. You don't have to be afraid, I'm not letting you down."

"Will I have to face him?"

"Well, not for now. But it's a possibility."

"I don't want to."

"I know. Let's just go and we'll see for that later, alright sweetie?"

* * *

Peter arrived as quickly as possible. He had to close a delicate case and couldn't be released sooner. When he walked in Olivia's office, she had just left the interrogation room where Mila was sitting at the table.

"Hey, sorry I'm late."

"It's alright. I just finished taking her deposition."

"Did she give a name?"

"No, she still hasn't said it."

"We need a name, and we need it quick. Otherwise I won't be able to start legal proceedings against him."

"Yes, I know." She frowned. Peter seemed to be tensed, and nervous. He usually wasn't so impatient and demanding in this kind of cases. He had learned to trust her and let her lead difficult investigations like this one. And yet, his face was cold and tense.

"She's scared. I think she doesn't want to betray whatever the kind of relationship she thinks she has with the guy. I think they know each other better than she wants us to believe."

"Do we have witnesses? People who could have seen what happened?"

"Fin's working on it. It's not really easy to find someone who was sober enough to have seen something that night."

"So, we've got nothing."

"No, we do have something. We have her word, the most important part of the story." Olivia said, pointing out at Mila through the window. She couldn't believe he was downplaying the situation.

"I can't bring myself in front of the court with just _the word_ of a young girl for a crime that occurred several weeks ago, for which we have no witnesses, no evidence, no name and with the victim who doesn't even want to cooperate!"

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Olivia couldn't hold back the words. He's been here for a few minutes only and he was being a total jerk. Peter clenched his jaw and closed his eyes, pinching the top of his nose. He sighed, trying to compose himself and cool down.

"Sorry, it's just been a rough week." He looked at her briefly, he didn't want to face her now. "Let me know if she ever says anything."

He was about to leave, but Olivia grabbed his forearm before he was out of her reach. He froze, feeling the warmth of her touch, even though there were clothes between their skins. He looked down at her hand, then he finally raised his gaze to cross hers.

"Are you okay?" She lowered her voice. She was more worried than mad, and something was clearly going on.

She was looking at him with the same look she was using when she was worried about something. He hated himself for making her feel that way but he just couldn't do otherwise this time.

He wanted to share all of his sorrows and fears with her. Whenever he was with her, she had this effect on him even though they hadn't known each other for a long a time. He felt that he could tell her everything, that she was ready to hear him. He felt safe with her, as if there were no secrets, no boundaries, and no judgements. But he well knew this was neither the time nor the place to do so. Instead, he just kept his mask on and his walls high.

"I'm good. You should go back in." He raised his chin towards the interrogation room, before leaving her office just quickly as he had arrived.

She watched him walk out. She was frustrated about what just happened because she wanted to help him, she wanted him to trust her and he didn't let her in this time. She could hardly deny the fact she liked feeling helpful, being there for him. She wanted to make him feel better, to take his pain away. But she couldn't do it if he wasn't opening himself.

She tried to get a hold of herself, and went back to the interrogation room. Mila was still playing with her hands nervously. She was looking exhausted and miserable. Olivia sighed as she took her chair and walked around the table. She put it down next to Mila's and sat.

"Mila, please. We are going around in circles."

The girl stayed quiet.

"Tell me his name."

"I can't." She whispered.

"You want him to win?" Olivia decided to try it another way. Mila looked up at her, surprised of the change in her voice.

"You want him to stay free, unpunished of what he did to _you_?" She shook her head slightly at Olivia. "Because this is what is going to happen if you don't tell me his name."

She could see the young girl slowly getting back to reason, but she still wasn't talking.

"Is it one of your friends?"

"No…"

"A random guy? Someone in your class?"

"He's in the year above mine."

"His name, Mila." Olivia took her hand in hers and squeezed it. The room stayed silent for long minutes, before the girl found the courage to finally speak.

"His-His name's Paul Bennett." Her voice cracked as she started crying.

"Thank you." Olivia murmured as she rubbed her back. Mila was completely out of strength, tired and broken. She could feel the sobs shaking her body as the young girl was trying desperately to muffle the cries in her hand.

 _To be continued…_


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for the reviews! Here's the update.**

* * *

Peter entered the coffee shop with some nervousness this morning. Olivia had texted him to meet her there, to discuss about the case. But to be honest, Olivia had secretly used it as an excuse to see him. She wanted to be sure there was nothing serious behind his strange behavior these past few days.

She was already seated at a table in the background. She was on her phone reading something and hadn't seen Peter walking in the shop. He wasn't really comfortable, he hated himself for having to lie and pretend everything was okay. He knew she wasn't the kind of woman to be fooled and that sooner or later she would put her finger on his problem.

"Good morning, Olivia." He said as he sat on the chair in front of her.

She looked up from her phone and took off her glasses, putting them down on the table.

"Hey. I already ordered us two coffees, it shouldn't be long." She said, looking over the counter hoping to catch one of the waitress' eyes.

"Thank you." He cleared his throat. "So, you got any sight of Paul Bennett?"

"Not yet, my squad is working on it. Apparently he would have gone on holidays in the New Jersey, which may make the arrest more difficult if we have no jurisdiction in that state."

"Find him and I'll take care of this. It won't be a problem." Peter briefly smiled at her. He had been in town for not even a whole year and Olivia was surprised to notice he had already made his own contacts in the justice and politics world.

The waitress arrived and they waited silently for her to put the drinks on the table. When she walked away Olivia took the opportunity to launch the topic of conversation she had hoped to tackle since the previous evening.

"Are you okay with this case?"

"Why wouldn't I be okay?" He frowned.

"I don't know. It didn't seem like you, the way you reacted to the lack of evidence yesterday."

"Yes, I'm sorry about that." Peter rubbed his neck and straightened in his chair. "It's just that- I don't really have a restful sleep these days. If I'm lucky enough I get two hours or three of sleep. I can get really cranky when I'm tired." He tried to joke but Olivia ignored it.

"Nightmares?"

He nodded to her.

"Sometimes it is. Or when it's not, it's just cases haunting me." He paused. "I don't know how you still keep up after all these years."

Olivia snorted and took a sip of her coffee.

"I don't know either." She slightly smiled, looking down at the bitter black liquid.

"Have you ever thought about" He was searching for the right words. "About given up the job?"

"You'd be surprised of how many times I did."

"Then why didn't you?"

She took a deep breath.

"I wake up every morning with the chance of having by my side a wonderful and healthy boy, full of happiness and innocence. For some children, this innocence disappeared the day a monster entered their lives to destroy it." She paused. "I can't erase the horrors that occur every day, but I can try to give justice and dignity back to the victims who cross our path. And if they're lucky enough, they cannot only survive, but they can thrive. That's what makes me stick to the job."

Peter realized how deeply this subject had hit her when she finally looked up to him. He saw her eyes gleaming under the daylight and her mouth drawing in a hard line. He could tell she was trying hard to hold the tears back and he fought against the urge to take her hand in his. He wasn't sure if she would have appreciated the gesture and instead, he used the words to comfort her.

"I really admire you, the way you combine both your professional and private life."

Olivia was about to speak but Peter cut her off.

"I know, you'll say I'm just flattering you again, but I'm serious." He paused. "You raised a nice kid, and you're a super cop who catches bad guys all the time." He smirked, joking and made her chuckle.

"Speaking of which, Noah asked about you the other day."

"Did he?"

"He asked me when we were gonna watch fireworks again with _uncle Peter_."

"It surely was a great night."

Peter looked at Olivia and smiled. They indeed spent a beautiful night, and he was surprised to see this moment affected the boy too.

"I think he really likes you."

These words moved him deeply. He never really got good contact with kids, but with Noah it was totally different. He really developed a soft side for the boy and he felt slightly overwhelmed to see this was mutual.

"I like him too." He smiled at her softly and she looked down at her cup of coffee. She let her fingers run discreetly over the white ceramic edges.

"I'd planned to go to the zoo with Noah tomorrow. You're welcome if you want to join us." She couldn't believe she had just asked him to go out. She was feeling nervous and her palms were sweating just by the thought of what could be his answer. She didn't dare to look at him until the very last word of her question and she was relieved to see his face soften.

"I'd be happy to go with the two of you." They stared at each other for what seemed a long time and a smile broke over his face before her phone vibrated against the wooden table.

She cleared her throat and put her glasses on to read the text message she had just received.

"Well, I think we are very lucky today."

Peter frowned, silently asking her to explain herself.

"They found him."

* * *

After dozens of hours of searching and tracking, Paul Bennett had finally been caught. As Peter had said, having the jurisdiction to arrest him was only a formality and the young man was taken to the interrogation room only a few hours later.

He was handcuffed to the table and had the face of the perfect manipulator. Amanda had just entered the interrogation room, but she could already feel the disgust and despise towards him.

"What the hell am I doing here?" The guy yelled and tried to pull on the handcuffs.

Amanda walked towards the table and roughly dropped the picture of Mila in front of him.

"Do you know her?"

The young guy barely threw a look at her and quickly turned away his eyes.

"Maybe."

"Maybe?" She raised her eyebrows and turned to the window for a second, before facing him again. "Don't play this game with us, Paul. You're on a slippery slope here."

"Bullshit." He mumbled.

"Where were you the night of the sorority party organized by your football team?"

"Which party, we do plenty of them." The guy proudly straightened in his chair.

"The night you raped Mila Johnson." She raised her voice, pointing down the picture.

"Woah, man. I ain't done anything!"

"That's not what she told us."

"She's a lying bitch!" He yelled, leaning forward.

"Are you seriously interrogating this man without the presence of a lawyer?" The blond woman entered Olivia's office like a tornado, widely opening the door in her grey suit and suitcase hanging on our shoulder. "You know I could sue you for violating his rights?"

Peter and Olivia, who were both watching the interrogation behind the window, both straddled and turned around the woman. She was slim and slender. Her dark lipstick marked her face while her green eyes light it up.

Peter's face turned pale when his eyes fell on her. He remained stoic in front of her, hands in his pockets.

Olivia narrowed her eyes and took off her glasses, as she took a step forward.

"And you are?" Her voice was threatening and rough.

"Jessica Harper, his lawyer." She tilted her head with a fake smile.

* * *

That same night, Peter had preferred to isolate and cut himself off from work. He had settled at the bar counter where he usually went and had just ordered his third glass of whiskey. He wasn't really there of his own free will, but he convinced himself to go meet her and was going to pretend he chose this for the next ten minutes.

He was angry and frustrated. When she sent him the text, he certainly didn't imagine how much she would interfere in his life until today. He heard the doorbell, but he didn't deign to raise his head to look over there. He knew it was her. She walked in the bar and he could smell her scent before she even approached him.

"You haven't answered my text the other day, I thought for a second you didn't want to see me." Her voice tone was playful, almost mocking and it immediately irritated him. She dropped her bag next to her and leaned her elbow over the counter to face him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He told her without looking at her. He was harsh and tired.

"I'm working, just like you."

"I mean in New-York." He was getting annoyed by this game already.

"I told you. I'm working."

"We both know it's not the truth. Why did you leave Chicago?"

"I was just doing a favor for a friend when I'd been asked to plead the innocence of a boy wrongly accused of raping a tipsy young girl. I couldn't refuse when I knew who would plead for her." She turned around to the barman and asked for a drink.

"You know I don't have the right to talk to you about the case." He straightened and was now looking at her. "What are you trying to do, Jess?"

"You and I both know this girl invented everything. It's a losing battle."

"We'll see at the court."

"Come on, it's so obvious." She snorted. "You have no proof, no evidence. She was probably drunk and I have witnesses who can prove that. She was just a poor girl frustrated of having been dumped by a popular guy and wanted attention."

Peter was boiling from the inside and clenched his fist until he made his knuckles turned white. He had to refrain from not putting her out harshly.

"If I were you, I would review my priorities and think about changing camp."

"What are you talking about?" He frowned.

"I'm willing to do anything to win this case, even making your life a misery and destroy your new reputation."

"Winning for a good cause has never really been your driving force so why now?"

"You know me so well." She paused and reached out her arm. She tried to touch his hair with her fingertips but he tilted back his head. "If I win, I get a high post at the Manhattan court. This would be a boost for my career."

"You should leave." She sighed and emptied her glass before dropping it down on the counter.

"You have two days to think about it." She softly smiled at him and took of her purse from the barstool next to her. She then turned again towards the bartender and showed her glass to him.

"He's paying." She left the bar without another word.

 _To be continued…_


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm sorry for the long wait. I'm trying to work on this every day but this is really going slowly. I decided to cut it in two so you could still have a little part. Enjoy!**

* * *

Noah had been up since 7 o'clock this morning. Olivia usually managed to keep him in bed much later during her days off, but today was a special day for the boy. As soon as he opened his eyes, he had run straight to his bedroom's mom and jumped on the bed. Olivia could swear it felt like at Christmas, when the kid wouldn't mind if it was 5 in the morning to wake the entire neighborhood up because he couldn't wait to open all the presents Santa had brought.

After having tried to calm him down, in vain, she decided to get up and prepare a good breakfast for her son and herself. When she opened the kitchen window and felt the breeze of warm air on her face, she immediately knew it would be a great day. It was sunny and no clouds were threatening the sky.

She was probably much less excited than her son, but she was still happy and couldn't help but feeling lighthearted, a state she hadn't experienced since a long time. Noah had been waiting for this activity impatiently. Olivia had promised him a long time ago she would take him to the zoo, although she wasn't very fond of seeing all these caged animals. And when he knew that Peter would also be there, the boy could no longer retain his excitement. They had agreed on meeting at 10 o'clock in front of the zoo entrance which gave them plenty of time to get ready.

It wasn't very difficult for Noah to pick up his outfit. A superhero t-shirt and long shorts suited him perfectly. He had never dressed as quickly as that day. On the other side, Olivia was standing in pajamas in front of her wardrobe, struggling between dozen of clothes. She was well aware it wasn't a date thing and there was no need to seduce anyone here but unconsciously she wanted to feel beautiful and attractive. Neither he nor she could deny anymore that there was _something_ going on between them.

"Mom!" The young boy called from the other room as he was looking for his mother. She hadn't had the time to answer him as he entered the room the next second.

"Can we go already?"

"Easy, cowboy. It's not 10 o'clock yet." She chuckled. Noah pouted and sat on the edge of the bed.

"You dress pretty for Peter?"

Olivia froze at his question and turned around to face him.

"What makes you think that?"

The boy shrugged as he swung his legs alternately.

"I like him, he's nice and he's funny."

"Yeah, I agree on that." She smiled at him then walked towards the bed. "How about you go draw something for mommy while I get dressed, uh?" The boy nodded and she kissed his forehead before he run out the room.

Olivia was slightly panicking internally. If her son could perceive that something was going on, she wondered if her colleagues ever had the same thought, and she finally felt ridiculous looking at the her wardrobe for the umpteenth time this morning. At least, Noah seemed to really get along with Peter. She sighed and finally decided to pick up a random top and a pair of jeans.

* * *

"Mommy, look! Peter's already there!" Noah was holding his mother's hand as he excitedly showed the man standing about ten meters away. Peter was there, looking at something on his phone. Olivia caught the sight of the silhouette among the slight crowd and she instantly felt a knot in her stomach. He was dressed in a simple navy blue o-neck sweater and a pair of jeans. She was always surprised of how good looking he could be in a casual outfit and she was really liking it.

She quickly got a hold of herself when he raised his head from his screen and randomly noticed them. The frown on his forehead disappeared and he immediately smiled at her, his dimples appearing on his cheeks. He closed the distance as he walked towards them.

"Hello, Peter!" Noah said cheerfully.

"Hey, big boy! Ready for the adventure?"

Noah nodded happily and made both the adults chuckle. Peter then turned his attention to Olivia and softly smiled at her.

"Hey." He almost whispered to her.

"Hey." She greeted him back. They looked at each other, not knowing what to say and Olivia felt a bit awkward. Luckily, Noah was there to bring them back on Earth as he pulled over her arm.

"Come on, I want to see lions and gorillas!"

"Someone's really exciting." Peter lowered his voice to talk to Olivia.

"You have no idea." She chuckled as they both made their way to the entrance.

The place was curiously not crowded for a Saturday as they quickly got their tickets. This detail relieved Olivia who held the idea of being able to walk quietly on the way through the zoo. It was also thanks to this detail that she allowed Noah to walk a few feet ahead of them, while keeping an eye on him. The boy was way too eager to start the visit to walk at the same pace as the two adults. It also gave Peter and Olivia the opportunity to walk along each other, just the two of them and be able to discuss any subject without having to worry about a kid hearing them.

However, since they met up at the entrance of the zoo, Olivia couldn't help but notice that Peter was somewhat distracted and more interested in his phone than in the activity itself. She felt slightly uncomfortable and didn't dare telling him about it right away, but when she heard his phone ringing again, she couldn't ignore it anymore.

"You know, if you have to leave or maybe take a call it's okay. Noah and I will be fine on our own." She smiled at him. She wanted him to be sure she was totally okay with what she said, even though she might be disappointed if he ever had to cancel.

He immediately put his phone back in his pocket.

"No, no. I'm good, I'm- never mind. It's nothing serious, it can wait."

She hesitated before asking.

"Is it about the case?"

"Sort of. It can be a tough job sometimes."

"I know, it's never easy." She paused. "No one doesn't deserve all of that crap. I hope the person who did this to Mila will pay."

"If something really happened…"

Olivia stopped walking and turned her head. She looked at him with a fierce and surprised look.

"You still think she lied about that?"

He shrugged.

"Don't you?"

"Of course not!"

"And what if she did? The boy will be unfairly judged for something he didn't do."

"I-I can't believe you're still having that speech. This is…" She shook her head in disbelief, feeling the anger rushing through her like a tsunami and walked away from him.

"Liv, wait." He instantly grabbed her hand to stop her. "I'm sorry." She sighed, still keeping an eye on Noah. "Let's just forget about the work for the day, alright?" She turned to face him.

"This is a beautiful day. Let's enjoy the moment, just the three of us." He offered her a shy smile. She kept her face straight at first, but her anger quickly fell down when she realized he was still holding her. She couldn't really stay mad at him. She lowered her eyes, and Peter noticed their still linked hands. He cleared his throat and reluctantly let go of her hand. They stood there without saying a word, until Noah came at their feet with a big smile on his face.

"Can we go see the Lions, please?"

Olivia looked at his son, and thought about what Peter had just said. _Enjoy the moment, just the three of us._ He was right, she should forget about work for the day. She inhaled deeply, trying to let go of all the stress and nervousness.

"Sure, sweetie." She smiled at her son.

"Let's take a look at the map." Peter pulled the zoo map out of his back pocket and crouched next to the boy. He unfolded it and opened it widely in front of them. "Do you see the lion's run somewhere?" Noah leaned towards him to have a better look at the map.

Olivia was standing aside, observing them with a smile growing on her face. Indeed, this was going to be a beautiful day _._

* * *

 _To be continued..._


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you all for your reviews! As you know, English isn't my native language. I know I still make mistakes in grammar. I thought it wasn't that bad as never of you complained about it before but apparently it's starting to bother some of you. I've already asked help to some beta in previous stories, it always ended the same way: the beta let me down after I waited for weeks (even months) to get a chapter fixed. So yes, I'd rather be on my own because of that. On the other hand, if someone wants to help me and be my beta for this story I would love to improve my writing thanks to you. So let me know!**

 **A/N2: A detail but still… I realized that, in fact, there were two zoos: the Central Park Zoo and the Bronx Zoo. There are no lions in the Central Park one and most of the species have been transferred to the Bronx one. Sorry for the mistake *oopsie*.**

* * *

Though they had almost visited the entire park, Noah'd been amazed by each and every single animal he saw. He had seen most of them only in books or on television. He hadn't stopped talking, telling countless stories to Peter and asking tone of questions about the breeds. He was a smart boy, full of energy. Olivia even got trouble following him sometimes. She was very happy to share this moment with Peter, although she was somewhat disappointed not to be able to talk more openly with him. It was quite complicated to open up to someone with a child.

They were walking nonchalantly, Noah between the two adults and holding his mother's hand. Suddenly, the child stopped and turned around to her.

"Mommy, we should take a picture so I could hang one on my bedroom's wall next to grandma's!" Olivia smiled at her son, but couldn't help cringing a bit at the thought of Sheila. She wasn't really expecting to hear about her today. It'd been a while since they had visited her. Olivia was trying to keep some distance with Noah. She would never prevent him from seeing his grandmother, but it was in the nature of a mother to protect her children. Peter had felt the tension that suddenly emanated from Olivia's body. He could only try to imagine what she had felt during those hard moments and he felt the urge to distract her and move on with the discussion.

"It's a great idea, Noah. Here, I'll take the picture." Peter proposed as he picked out his phone and took a few steps back.

Noah stood in front of his mother and she put both of her hands on his chest, pulling him against her legs. The young boy immediately went to cover her hands with his little ones and Peter's heart melted at the sight of so much mother-son love. He took a slight moment to admire the view, feeling really lucky to share these moments with them. He didn't know where this was leading, or if there was even a thing going on between Olivia and him but whenever he was with her and Noah, all the pain and the grieve were surprisingly bearable.

He both centered them and took the picture.

"Perfect." He smiled widely. He was about to join them when an old lady – who saw them from afar – accosted him.

"Let me take a picture of your beautiful family!" She said cheerfully.

"Oh, we're no-" Peter frowned.

"I insist, that would be a real shame not to immortalize this beautiful moment." She grabbed his phone before he had the chance to say anything else. The woman motioned for him to join the two whom she thought were his wife and son, and he complied. He looked at Olivia confused as he walked towards her and shrugged.

"Are you okay with this?" He whispered.

"I wouldn't want to thwart her." She joked as she could tell the old lady was really invested in her task.

Peter closed the distance and got closer, clearing his throat at the awkwardness of the situation. He was shy at first and his whole body tensed at their closeness. He laid his hand on her back, and stood still. Olivia hadn't moved, but feeling him so close sent a shiver down her spine. They both offered a wide smile for the occasion. The lady pressed on the screen and captured the moment.

"Here, young man." She said, as she walked towards them. Peter took some steps ahead too and she handed his phone back as they met halfway.

"You really have a wonderful family."

"Thank you." He simply whispered. He hadn't had the courage to contradict her once again and blushed a bit, feeling embarrassed of such thoughts. He turned around and walked back to where were standing Noah and his mother.

"You will be on the picture too, that's so cool!" Noah exclaimed himself as he grabbed Peter's hand and surprised everyone. He was touched by the boy's gesture and had a hard time hiding his growing smile. Both he and Olivia looked up to each other and silently acknowledge the fact they were enjoying very much that day so far and that none of them were ready for it to end.

"Come on, mommy said I could choose a cuddly toy at the end of the visit!" Olivia chuckled at the very good memory of her son. The boy stepped forward and pulled both adults' arms as they walked again.

As promised, the visit ended with a brief call at the souvenir shop. There were a lot of kids running around, but Noah had been standing in front of the huge display unit of stuffed animals for more than fifteen minutes. He couldn't choose. The decision was far too important for a boy of his age. Peter had already walked around the store and joined Olivia who was patiently waiting for her son to pick up a toy.

"Do you think he'll ever make up his mind?" Peter joked as he leaned to whisper in Olivia's ear.

"Not sure." She chuckled.

"I remember having the same dilemma at his age." Olivia smiled at him, as he unconsciously shared another memory of his childhood with her. Noah finally turned towards them.

"Peter, can you help me?"

"Sure, bud." Peter immediately walked towards him.

"What is your favorite?" He asked with a shy voice, being confused with his own thoughts.

"Mh," Peter was randomly looking at the display and finally noticed one. "You know, the stuffed animal of my childhood was very similar to that one." He said, showing it with his finger. Noah looked at it for a moment and turned around again to Olivia this time.

"Mommy, I choose this one." He said, showing the same one Peter had noticed making the two adults smile from ear to ear.

They finally left the store after more than half an hour and Noah had been showing signs of fatigue for a while.

"I'm tired." Noah whined as he rubbed his eye with the back of his hand and his cuddly toy pressed against his chest.

"This was a big day, uh?" Olivia smiled, brushing a strand of hair from his forehead. The boy nodded and Peter walked closer to him.

"Come here, buddy." He slipped his hands under his armpits and easily lifted him. Noah instantly snuggled against him and dropped his head on his shoulder.

Olivia witnessed the scene and the words were missing as she couldn't describe the emotions that were rushing through her at the exact moment. He was so caring with her son and she felt blessed for him. She met Peter's gaze and she could guess in the glimmer of his eyes he was trying to find out if she was okay with this. In a sudden burst of panic he wondered if he hadn't gone too far in his initiative.

"There's still a long way to walk till my car." He tried to justify himself. Her eyebrows jerked up in surprised and he knew he had to give her an explanation.

"There's no way I let you two walk home after this day." Indeed, this wasn't planned but he wasn't wrong either. Noah was exhausted, and _heavy._ It was getting late and chilly. After a brief thought, she certainly wasn't against a ride home.

"Thank you."

"It's the least I can do." He smiled at her as they slowly made their way out of the zoo.

"So, you and your sister used to visit places?" Olivia cut through the silence, and brought back the subject. Peter instantly smiled at the memory.

"Yes. Our nanny liked to take us out for walks. Zoo, museums,… Pam had a huge collection of stuffed animals. She liked them so much. No matter where we went, she always left the place with one stuck under her arm." He paused, and Olivia let him speak again. "I always had to help her choose because she was allowed to take only one at a time."

They both noticed the switch in the atmosphere as the good memories were replaced by sadness. Peter's smile slightly faded away and Olivia laid her hand on his back, showing him support.

"It's funny to see it became a timeless tradition." He chuckled, talking about Noah struggling in the store earlier. Olivia threw a look at his son, and in no time the boy had fallen asleep in Peter's arms without them noticing. Thinking back of what happened at the store she began to realize that her son really got fond of him. Not that it really bothered her, but she didn't want him to be disappointed if anything ever happened. She had learned to be wary of everyone, not to trust anyone easily. She knew how bad it felt to feel betrayed. She didn't want it to happen to her son. She wanted to preserve his innocence for some time again.

But with Peter, everything was totally different. There was something about him that was pushing her to give him all her trust, to drop her walls.

When they arrived at Olivia's house, Peter proposed his help to carry Noah upstairs, who was still sleeping peacefully in the back of the car. She agreed and they both walked the boy to his bed. Peter had then slipped out the bedroom to let Olivia tuck her son.

As he waited patiently in the middle of the living room, he glanced furtively around the room. The place was cozy, warm and as he imagined it would be. There were a lot of books carefully settled on a bookshelf, and he was curious to know if it was just to decorate or if reading was something she liked to do once in a while.

"Thank you." Olivia said to him as she entered the living room and walked towards him. Peter turned around to face her.

"Well, I should be the one thanking you for inviting me. It was a great day."

"I'm happy to hear that." She paused, "you want something to drink?"

"It's getting late and I wouldn't intrude your privacy any longer." Olivia simply nodded and successfully hid her disappointment.

They were standing in the middle of the room, awkwardly facing each other. For a moment he simply gazed into her eyes, and then he drew a deep breath.

"Maybe next time it could be just the both of us." The words escaped his mouth abruptly. As if he had no longer control over his brain. Olivia raised her eyebrows at the suggestion and it made her stomach fluttered.

Desire stirred within her, along with some confusion. Her brain was yelling at her to say no. She was well aware that if her answer was yes, they would probably break through a line she had forbidden herself to cross. They were working together, he was younger than her. Why would he even be interested in her? On the other hand, why would she deprive herself of having a good time with a friend? At the moment, there was nothing more than a budding friendship between them. And it was easier to hide the truth.

"What do you say?" As he waited for an answer he could hear the thud of his own heartbeat sounding heavily in his ears.

"I would have to settle it with Lucy."

"Absolutely. You choose the day, and I'll cook diner."

"Oh, wow. I would have never thought you were a cooker." She smirked.

"Are you questioning my culinary skills, Lieutenant?" He teased her.

"Let's say I'm just willing to see it." They shared a smile and fell once again into a comfortable silence. They didn't need words to understand what the other was thinking. Peter had to hold back the urge to tell her how fast he was looking forward to their next time. He hadn't left yet but he could already miss her presence. He hadn't paid much attention to any woman in many years, but couldn't help thinking her to be one of the most attractive he'd ever met. And he wasn't thinking only about her look. No, she was beautiful, deep down to her soul. She was beautiful for the way she thought. She was beautiful for the way her eyes sparkle when she talked about her son. He was falling in love for her insane work ethic and unstoppable ambition.

Olivia could feel the warmth of the blush as it crawled up her neck. His gaze was intense as he took in her features. She'd never been turned on by a look, though if anyone could do it, the man in front of her could.

He took a step forward and they were now closer than they should have been. He hesitantly reached out his hand to her face and she held her breath as he slowly brushed a strand of hair away from her face.

"Peter…" Her whisper was almost too quiet for him to hear. His fingertips wandered slightly on her cheek as he withdrew his hand. That sweet chocolate gaze slowly lowered to his lips, which were curved in a pleased smile with that cute dimple teasing his cheek. She tried to swallow the lump that insisted on staying in her throat.

"Goodnight, Olivia." His voice was warm and gentle. And just like that, he turned his back to her and walked to the door. In the blink of an eye he was out, leaving her speechless in the middle of her living room.

* * *

Peter arrived at his front door later that night. Since he had left Olivia's apartment, he couldn't erase the smile from his face. He felt so good, almost _happy_. He plunged the key into the lock and opened the door. He took his phone out of his pocket once he crossed the threshold and suddenly his gaze was caught by the brown envelope at his feet. He closed the door behind him and stooped to pick it up.

He walked to the kitchen and put his keys and cellphone down on the counter. He frowned, wondering who could have slipped this envelope under his door. No names were on the front or back side. He hesitated a moment, then decided to open it.

He took out two pictures. The first one was the screenshot of a chat between Mila and her best friend. The second one was a stolen picture of Paul and Mila, kissing in a corner of a room the same evening of the party.

Peter took a deep breath as he was slowly putting the pieces together in his head. Was all this a frame-up from Jessica? Or was he going to have to go against his own camp?

 _To be continued..._


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello guys! I know, I know. It's been ages and I'm truly, deeply sorry for that. I've been working on this chapter for weeks, and as I've been really busy it wasn't easy for me to find time to keep writing. I don't have any legal knowledge, so sorry if it's not really true to reality. I hope this will do, enjoy!**

* * *

Peter sighed and dropped his pen on the pile of files facing him. He leaned his elbows on his desk and ran his hands over his weary face. He had isolated himself in his office since the night before and only came out to return to his home to take a quick shower and get in a clean suit. The letter he had received a few days ago was torturing his mind. He had read the case all over again, examining all aspects of a problem, but at no time the information he had found in the envelope had been mentioned anywhere else.

Where did it come from and how? He didn't know if he should tell Olivia about this or keep it quiet. He knew for sure that if he was gonna divulge this information, his whole work would be skewed. And he certainly didn't want to take the risk of relying on false information. After all, anyone was able nowadays to falsify this kind of evidence. There was also a little voice in his head telling him that Jessica was behind all of this and was just waiting for him to use it at the hearing so he would ridicule himself in front of the whole court and then leave her free access to win.

It felt like this proof had been purposely dropped as a bomb at the wrong timing. It was too late now to set up a meeting with the victim as the hearing would have to be postponed. So he only had the choice between closing his eyes on this and trusting Jessica. But if it was one of her traps, she was totally going to use to destroy that girl.

Suddenly, someone knocked on his door softly, pulling him out of all his paperwork.

"Come on in." He raised his voice. The door opened and Carmen tilted her head through the opening.

"What is it?" Peter asked, visibly exhausted of his day.

"Sir, you'd asked me earlier to come and tell you when it would be five o'clock." She spoke to him with a gentle voice. He looked at his watch and realized she was indeed right.

"Thank you, Carmen." He briefly smiled at her, and she nodded before closing the door. Peter leaned back in his chair, hands clasped on his abdomen and stared into space. Finally, there was a fainted trace of a smile growing on his lips, thinking of the upcoming evening he was about to share with the one and only.

* * *

Olivia had just arrived in front of Peter's apartment and took a deep breath before knocking on the door. She was more than nervous, almost terrifying. She had tried so hard to convince herself the whole ride to his place that all of this wasn't a date, but deep down she knew better. She was scared that once the threshold of this door crossed, things between them could evolve and there was a possibility they would cross the limit she had imposed to herself. When they were seeing each other at bars, public places, with Noah, it was easy for them to pretend, to put up some distance. But she had agreed to have dinner at his house, intruding his privacy. In there, there was nothing to stop them if it ever ran out of control.

A few seconds passed before Peter came to open the door and as soon as his eyes met hers, his breath got stuck in his throat.

"Hey." She greeted him, offering him a shy smile.

"Olivia, come on in." He opened the door wider and stepped aside. She walked in and he closed the door behind her. She was dressed in simple jeans, white sneakers and an elegant sweater. He was always surprised to see her wearing casual clothes, and it would be lying to say that this wasn't his favorite look.

"I didn't really know what would please you so I just brought a bottle of red wine." She said, handing him the bottle.

"Oh you didn't have to, thank you." He grabbed it and placed his hand on her lower back, leading her gently to the kitchen. "Dinner is almost ready, you want a drink?"

"Yes, thank you." She sat on one of the stools at the central island unit as he walked around and took two glasses in one of the cupboards above. She took advantage of this moment to take a look around her. The first time she had come here, it wasn't like she had the time or the wit to observe his taste in interior decoration. She was pleasantly surprised at the way the whole stuff was laid out. The inside looked like an old factory, the walls were red brick, the opened kitchen was giving directly access to the living room where was settled a dark grey sofa in the middle of the room, a gigantic flat screen taking center stage on a white console that ran all along the wall. It was rather strict but classy with no personal touches, which didn't really surprise her.

"Here," he whispered as he set her glass down the counter right in front of her.

"Thank you." She smiled, and grabbed it. They both took a sip of the red beverage, looking in each other's eyes as the bitter alcohol was slowing going down their throat. Olivia suddenly felt her cheeks burning as the silence between the two of them kinda unsettled her. And the look he gave her wasn't helping at all. She cleared her throat and composed herself.

"So, what's on the menu?" She quickly focused on something else, as she noticed the two pans on the induction plate.

"Well, that's gonna sound cliché but," he paused smirking, holding his breath for a second before letting out a sigh. "I'm cooking pasta." A warm laugh escaped Olivia's throat and he smiled even wider at the melody. All the tension she had been holding suddenly evaporated.

"In my defense, it's not the only thing I know how to cook." He raised both of his hands.

"Oh, really?" She teased him.

"Alright, I played it safe." He admitted, turning on his feet to grab the spoon in the pan. He lifted it, one hand underneath to prevent any accident. "But, that's my grandmother's recipe. And you have to believe me when I say it's the best one in the world."

He approached the spoon to her and she leaned forward, tasting the sauce. As she leaned back in the stool, she slightly licked her lips and raised an eyebrow.

"Well, that's not so bad." She smirked.

"Oh come on, you're tough on me." Peter smiled widely at her, turning around to put the spoon back in the pan.

"No, really. I'm impressed."

"Wow, that night will go down in history." He joked, and he managed to get another smile from Olivia. The look they were sharing lingered a little more than it should have and it was the cooking timer that brought them back to reality.

Peter turned his back to her, as he cut the baking plate off and started rummaging through the cupboards under the kitchen counter.

"Can I help you with anything?"

"Oh no, you're my guest tonight." He brightly smiled as he found the plate he was looking for. "It's the first time I'm really breaking in the kitchen since I've moved here. I feel like a stranger in my own apartment." He joked and settled the cutlery to their respective seat on the kitchen island.

"Should I feel flattered then?" She teased him.

"Well, yes. I don't really cook for just anyone."

While they both sat down for dinner, they kept chatting around about everything and nothing, and especially not about work. This evening was for them, and Peter really intended to get her away from all the stress and pressure from the everyday life.

After insisting on helping Peter to clear the dishes, they had settled on the couch for most of the evening around an umpteenth glass of wine. They were both sitting sideways, facing each other.

"So, how's the little guy?" Peter asked as he stretched out his left arm to settle it on the back of the couch.

"Well, he's fine. Giving me some hard times, though." She sighed, and lowered her eyes. He could see the hurt on her face, as she was carelessly wandering her finger on the edges of the glass.

"He's a kid, right? He'll get over it."

"I don't think so. I know he's mad at me for not being more present, and he has all the rights to." She paused, "And I'm missing again today."

"Hey," He softly spoke, laying his hand on her forearm. She raised her head at the touch, and her eyes fell directly into his. "You need to take time for yourself too." The smile he offered her sent some kind of warm feelings deep down her belly. She smiled back at him. She even forgot for a few seconds that his hand still hadn't moved from her arm and he was now drawing comforting circles on her wrist with his thumb.

"I mean, I don't have a family and I don't know what it's like to raise a smart and energetic boy. But from what I see you're doing more than great."

"Thank you." She softly smiled. "And that's not true." He frowned, not really getting her point. "You do have a family." He chuckled once.

"You know what I meant."

"I know, but that doesn't change the fact you're stuck with us. The squad, me and Noah,… that's _your_ family." Without a second thought, she slid her arm until her hand found his. Their fingers instinctively intertwined, and they both looked down at their linked hands. There was something that flinched in the air and the tension built up. Her heart was beating so hard she could feel her blood bumping into her eardrums.

They finally looked up, finding each other's eyes again. They silently acknowledged the thing going on between them at this right moment and Olivia flushed at his intense gaze. Peter remained still, he was afraid she would disappear if he ever moved. Right now, backing away was the last thing he wanted her to do. But another part of him wanted to take the risk. He had enough of beating around the bush, and he felt that if he didn't do it now, he would never have the courage again.

He brought up his hand near her face, and pushed a few strand of hair aside. He was hesitant, but his fingers finally brushed her cheek. The touch was so light she had barely felt it. He was shyly smiling at her, and he saw her hardly swallowing the lump in her throat. He slid his hand tenderly through her hair, brushing her cheekbone with his thumb on the way and his palm met the soft skin of her cheek. His eyes were plunged deep into hers. He was waiting for a sign, the slightest hint that could give him a last rush of courage.

Olivia hadn't moved. She was paralyzed. Their two other hands were still intertwined, but she was no longer holding it firmly. The sudden lack of oxygen made her realize that she had been holding her breath for too long. She could feel a cloud of warmth warming her lower abdomen, her stomach twisting inside of her and her heart beating fast against her ribcage. She wanted to let go, to lean her face further in the hollow of his rough hand. She _needed_ to feel him.

She hesitated a moment, and finally let herself go to some fantasy she had been forbidden herself to do until now. Her dark chocolate eyes slowly flickered from his eyes down his lips, then back up again. It only lasted a slight second, but it was enough for Peter to notice. He did the same, but his gaze lingered longer on her mouth.

Slowly, _very_ slowly, he brought his face closer to hers. He didn't want to rush her. He wanted her to have plenty of time to stop him if she ever changed her mind. But she didn't back off, and he kept leaned forward dangerously. She could feel his warm breath against her skin, and she tilted her head slightly. He waited a few more seconds. He wanted to savor this moment and wished for the time to stop.

But he had been caught off guard as Olivia surprisingly closed the gap between them. He felt her mouth crashed against his. The move was hesitant at first, as he was applying a small bit of pressure. They were both feeling shy of this new closeness. He moved his lower lip against hers and deepened the kiss. It felt so unreal.

Olivia let go of Peter's hand, and raised it to his face. Her thumb traced the line of his jaw lightly, and heat skittered through him. His insistent mouth was parting her shaking lips, and she kissed him back with as much as fervor.

After a few more kisses, reason brought her back to reality. She could feel his lips moving against hers, but her mind was elsewhere. It suddenly felt so wrong, and so good at the same time. She was torn between her thoughts and her heart. She finally realized what they had done, and the consequences that would follow. _Space, I need space._

He let his lips melting tenderly against her mouth as the kiss slowly ended. Olivia pulled back, trying to ignore the tingling warmth spreading throughout her body. He rested his forehead against hers, both breathless from their heated kiss. Peter couldn't hide the growing smile on his face as he rubbed her cheek.

"Hell, I've wanted to do that for ages." He murmured quietly, but as he drew back his head he saw the look on Olivia's face and he immediately regretted his words. She pinched her lips and leaned back, her hand sliding down to his chest.

"I think I should leave." She got out of the couch, put the glass down on the living room table and immediately walked around to the kitchen.

"Olivia, wait. I shouldn't-" Peter immediately followed her steps. As he reached her, she had already put on her coat and she turned around, facing him. She was a bit straddled at the closeness of their bodies, but she kept focused.

"It's fine. I-It was a great evening, Peter but-" She paused," I'm sorry." She took another two steps aside to the exit.

"Hey," he stopped her, grabbing her wrist. "Don't be." He told her on a serious tone. He wanted her to know he was okay with her taking her time. He didn't want her to think he just wanted to get her laid, or that he wasn't serious on his intention. "I didn't want to frighten you." He whispered to her, still holding her gaze.

"I know." She sighed, and briefly closed her eyes. "Peter," she was looking for the right words to say. "You and I, that's not gonna work. It can't be." The look on his face broke her heart in shattered pieces. It was a mix of pain and misunderstanding.

"I'll see you at the Court." And just like that, she had disappeared from his view, the slamming of the door still echoing in his head.

* * *

The next morning, Olivia had gone straight to the courtroom, hoping not to meet Peter in the hallways. Fortunately for her, she had slipped easily inside the court before he arrived. When he finally acknowledged her presence, the hearing was about to start.

She was looking at him from behind, and when he turned to look after her in the crowd to finally cross her gaze, she looked away. He looked tired, and somehow sad. She felt terribly guilty for how she had treated him last night. That kiss, she had wanted it as much as him. But the fact it became real, she had been overwhelmed by her old demons and fear took over her mind.

As the judge and the jurors entered the room, she straightened in her seat and brushed the thoughts off her mind. They had prepared the hearing together, had repeated many times. She was confident, and was hoping the girl wouldn't break down in front of the witnesses. She wanted justice to be done.

The beginning of the hearing went relatively well, and everything seemed to be in favor of the victim. Then as the witnesses were called to the bar, things were gradually deteriorating. She didn't quite understand how it had gotten worse, but the opposing party managed to shift the whole story, even accusing Mila of having settled a trap to Paul.

Mila was called again to the bar, by Peter this time. She took a deep breath, resting all her hopes on him to get to the bottom of this.

"So, Mila." He stood up, and walked around the desk. "What do you have to say against the accusations of your two classmates, who I quote, said they saw you flirting with Paul several days before the night?"

The girl was now completely frightened, tears streaming down her cheeks. But somehow, she managed to get a hold of herself and kept talking.

"It wasn't what I would call flirting." She swallowed hard. "Paul had been chasing me for several weeks, and I never understood what he could ever find so attractive in me."

"So, you weren't flirting then?"

"No." She paused. "Well, yes. I don't know." She was exhausted, and just wanted for this to be over. Peter was walking in circles, and seemed to be quite focused on his thoughts. From where she was standing, Olivia could notice the hard lines on his forehead, meaning he was debating on something deep down his mind. He walked back to the desk, put his fingers on the document and turned it over to read it.

"What about your best friend? Alisha, that's right?" He asked, turning again to face the girl. Mila frowned, not getting the point of his question.

"Have you ever told her about all the things that were happening with Paul?"

"Yes, probably. I mean, we use to tell each other a lot of things."

Olivia shifted on her seat and was getting tensed. This wasn't what they had planned.

"Are you sure, that at no time, you could have been manipulated by him and having been remorseful afterwards?"

"Objection your honor! What is the purpose of his question? Insinuating that my client is a manipulator?!"

"Mr. Stone, go straight to the point please."

"Mila, did you have given in to Paul's advances that night?"

"Wha- Of course not! I told him I didn't want to do that, many times." The girl was now full of rage. Peter looked at his right, and met Jessica's gaze. Her eyes were piercing him, he almost felt threatened by the features of her face.

"I have no other questions." As Peter was about to sit back behind his desk, Paul's lawyer stood up and spoke to the judge.

"Your honor, I believe there is a major point to this story that Mr. Stone hadn't shared with us. I think it should be presented to the jury." Peter raised his head hastily towards Jessica, then towards the judge. So that was it, she had trapped him.

"Mr. Stone." The judge looked over Peter, raising her eyebrows. She was waiting for an explanation.

"Your honor, this exhibit hasn't been added to the record. It can't be legally introduced to the court. I-" The judge cut him off.

"Do you think this element is important enough?" Peter kept quiet for a whole minute. His heart was beating fast, his hands were getting sweaty and he was suddenly hot. He couldn't lie in front of the court, he had taken an oath and it was ethically impossible to go against his principles.

"Mr. Stone!" The judge raised his voice. He closed his eyes, and sighed. His gaze then fell onto the document on the desk.

"I have here," He took it in his hand. "A proof of a conversation between the presumed victim, Mila and her best friend, Alisha." He walked towards the bar, and handed the sheet of paper to the girl.

"Mila, can you read us what is written?" Peter's voice was so low. He hated himself right now for how the things were turning but he had no other choices. Mila hesitantly took the document, and her face broke down as she understood what it was. Tears immediately came to her eyes.

"Ms. Timmerman, we're listening to you." The judge spoke to her, and so the young girl finally started to read with a trembled voice.

" _Alisha, there is something I need to tell you. Call me as soon as possible_." She paused, then kept going. " _I can't call you back for now, what is it?_ "

The whole place was silent. Everyone was carefully listening to Mila's words.

" _I think I made a mistake, with Paul._ " Mila held back a sob, and swallowed her tears. " _I didn't mean it, but I slept with him._ " Her voice cracked at the last words, and she dropped the document on the table in front of her.

Olivia was pacing up and down the hallways, going around in circles. She was beyond angry, and was waiting for one thing: to catch Peter on his way out. It was when she noticed his face through the crowd that she walked towards him with a determined step. As he saw her getting closer, he couldn't help remembering their kiss, the feeling of her lips against his.

"What the hell was that?" She snapped at him, pulling him out of his thoughts. He could see the raging spark in her eyes and he felt even sorrier for all of this.

"Olivia, I-"

"Well, Peter." Jessica walked behind them, with a proud smile on her face. They both turned around to her and when he noticed her, Peter rolled his eyes. It certainly wasn't the right time. "I see you finally chose your side. I'm glad our little chat the other night wasn't in vain."

"You and I know very well what you did, Jessica." Peter lowered his voice to her, in a threatening tone. Olivia frowned at the strange familiarity between them. It was going much further than mere colleague discussing a case.

"Wait, you two…" She asked, mentioning the two of them with her finger. She was utterly taken aback by what she had just witnessed and couldn't believe what she was afraid to think.

"Oh, he didn't tell you? We shared some wonderful yeas of our life together." She paused, "I'm his ex-fiancée." Olivia's face hardened in a split second. Her gaze, filled then fell upon Peter, full of disappointment. He slowly closed his eyes, realizing of how deep in troubles he had just gotten himself.

* * *

 _To be continued..._


	9. Chapter 9

**I know some of you weren't really happy with how the things turned out in the last chapter. I'm aware this isn't really how Peter would have acted in the show, but that's what fanfictions are made for, right? ;) Here's a quick update!**

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"We need to talk." Peter entered Olivia's office without warning, making her slightly startle on her chair. His voice was firm, but his body expression was showing quite another thing. He was utterly tensed. He had walked at a brisk pace through the whole precinct with the firm intention to clear this out.

"There's nothing to be said." She told him on a neutral tone, writing some stuff on her papers. He waited, sliding his left hand inside the pocket of his pants. He knew better that this attitude was just a facet she forced herself to wear. He knew she wasn't indifferent at all to what had happened earlier in the day. She was mad at him.

"Olivia, I'm sorry." He sighed. He didn't want to fight. Not now, not with her. But he was being too hopeful to think those flat excuses would have been enough for Olivia. There had been a heavy silence. He didn't know if it was a good thing but she seemed pensive. She put her pen on the paperwork pile, took her glasses off and finally looked up. She had a stern look and knowing he was the cause of that made him sick.

"When were you gonna tell me you two were related?" Peter was slightly shaken up by her question. He was far from thinking that the first thing she would have wanted to talk about was his relationship with Jessica. Especially after the way they left each other last night. She had been clear about her intentions, or was she really?

"That's what's bothering you? That's why we're here?"

"Seriously?" She took offense. She had trouble coming to terms with the news she heard several hours earlier. When she finally thought about _maybe_ giving him a chance, she felt betrayed once again.

"I don't know, you tell me."

"I'm not playing this game with you." She shook her head.

"I was just doing my job." He sighed.

"No, you're job is to defend the victims." The tension was palpable in the room. Peter well understood she was angry about the way the hearing went. But he couldn't get why she couldn't admit that maybe, the victim hadn't been telling everything from the beginning.

"My job is to shed light on truth. She lied to us!" He raised his voice, and Olivia noticed through the windows that some people were starting to throw curious glances at them. She got up and walked around her desk. She waited until the blinds were closed to answer him.

"She didn't tell us a detail, that doesn't make her a liar." She turned to him, and they were now facing each other in the middle of her office.

"And that particular detail just reversed the whole situation. Jesus, why can't you just even admit it?"

"You literally discredited her in front of the whole court, not giving her the slightest chance. You trapped her!" It was her turn to raise her voice. "That's not how we work here and I thought you knew that by now." She was right on that point. He should have known better, he should have talked to her once he got the letter under his door.

"Look, I know I totally fucked up and this isn't how I planned it to happen. But you have to admit this puts in doubt the whole accusation." He calmed down.

"How did you even know she had told her friend about that night?" He wasn't answering. "Did she talk to you?" She added firmly.

"No, she didn't." He slightly looked down and closed his eyes a brief moment. Everything suddenly seemed clear to her, as if the last piece of the puzzle had just been put down. Her eyes widen, and she looked up. She couldn't believe it.

"Oh my god." She put her hand on her forehead. "That's what that lawyer was talking about, right? She corrupted you." She looked back at him, he could see the disappointment, disgust and anger on her face. It wasn't how it happened and he couldn't let her think that even for a slight second.

"Liv, this isn't what you think it is." He took a step forward, stretching out his hand towards her.

"Oh yes, it is." She stepped back.

"Let me explain you."

"There's nothing to explain. You broke our trust. I'm gonna ask for you to be discharged of the unit once the case is over."

"Please, don't do this." He whispered, feeling completely helpless.

"We're done." The tone of her voice was harsh and her face didn't betray any emotion. She had put on her armor. He was about to add something when someone knocked lightly on the door. Olivia turned around as Fin put his head through the gap.

"Liv, we need you now."

She nodded once. She turned her head towards Peter without looking at him. This wasn't what she wanted, and it broke her heart. She walked out to join Fin without a word, leaving him standing alone in the middle of her office.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you for sticking around and thank you for the reviews! You all help me to get better every chapter. I'm trying my best to write some good content but I feel like I'm not really achieving my goal. I hope you still enjoy reading my story. As you can see, I'm trying to post more often. The case part will be done in next chapter, so stay tuned to get more Benstone content!**

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Peter had lost counting after the fourth glass. Reports, photos, notes were scattered across the floor of his living room. He was sitting on the floor, his back resting against the bottom of the couch. An almost empty bottle settled at the edge of the coffee table. He held his glass in his hand and took a sip while looking at the disaster in front of him. His gaze was empty, thoughtful. He had been rereading the case files for several hours, word by word and detail by detail. But despite all the efforts he had given, he still hadn't found a single clue or lead that could make progress the investigation.

Alone in his apartment, half in the dark, he couldn't help but think back to the last conversation he had with Olivia. Her face, the way she looked at him, her last words. _We're done._ He hated himself for hurting her, for acting like he did, for doing the wrong choice and being such an asshole. He felt an immeasurable rage growing inside of him, and in a violent and powerful move he threw his empty glass against the wall. It exploded into thousand pieces in a crashing noise. A few days earlier, he was the happiest man, in this exact same room, kissing the woman he had gotten feelings for. He chuckled bitterly and passed a weary hand over his face, thinking of how bad he had fucked up like he always did.

Olivia was also stuck on the case. She knew that Mila didn't lie, despite the conversation with her best friend that proved otherwise. Throughout her career, she had always trusted her instincts, always listened to her heart. Sure it didn't prevent her from making some mistakes, but at the end she always did what seemed to be right. And that's what was going on with Peter. Her instinct was telling her to believe him. She couldn't imagine him doing what he did deliberately, nor could she see him accept to be corrupted so easily. But anger and disappointment were still present and she had trouble thinking through this whirlwind of feelings. She had to admit that she hadn't really given him time to explain himself, to give his side of the story which was rather ironic coming from someone who was always impartial in work. She had acted in a hurry to protect herself. She was afraid of the feelings she got at that time. It wasn't at all the kind of feelings she should have felt for a friend, a colleague who made a mistake. It was much deeper than that. And she used it as a pretext to push him away. But having remorse wasn't the most important for now. They had to focus on the case and take it from another angle by integrating the conversation and the hypothesis around it.

As she was walking towards the interrogation room where Mila and her best friend were waiting, she looked at her phone screen one last time before entering. She had been hesitating until the last moment to send him a message letting him know about this new interrogation, but she had preferred to let her team do it instead. She sighed and pushed the door with a file in her hand. The two girls were sitting behind the table. She approached them, put the file down and sat on the chair facing them. Mila's eyes were bloodshot, her cheeks marked by the salty tears that had been streaming down her face since hours. Alisha spoke first, not letting the time to Olivia to start anything.

"This is unfair." She looked her right in the eye. She was angry, and disgusted. Those were feelings Olivia used to see on some victim's faces.

"Where's Mr. Stone?" Mila asked then with her trembling voice. "I want to talk to him."

"He won't be there for now. I wanted to talk you both, alone first." As no one answered, she kept going. "Mila, why didn't tell us about that conversation?"

"I forgot about it, I guess." The young girl had brought her hand to her mouth and was chewing the nail of her thumb nervously.

"Mila, I think you need to stop hiding the truth. It won't help you doing this, trust me." Olivia tried to reason her, but she retreated into silence.

"I'm the one who told her to delete the messages." Alisha spoke out of nowhere.

"Why?" Olivia hadn't expect this confession.

"Because no one would have believed her after that!" She exclaimed herself angrily. "And it's exactly what's happening." She calmed down and leaned back in her chair.

"No, it's not. I do believe you." She looked right into Mila's eyes, and then kept speaking to Alisha again. "When did you know?"

"When I found her crying in the bathroom two days later. I knew something was wrong since that night and we don't act like she did because of a simple regret."

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?"

"I didn't want to." Mila answered instead. "That's why I first told her I was the one who made a mistake. I didn't want people to see me like a weak victim." Tears started to flowed again. "And now, with the screenshot of our conversation everyone will think I'm a liar."

Olivia frowned. There was something bothering her. If Alisha had asked Mila to delete the messages, how could they have been presenting at the hearing? Who had stolen them and how?

"Mila, do you have any ideas of who could have taken the screenshot and how?" She asked. The girl shook her head.

"No, I don't know." Olivia nodded and sadly smiled to the girl.

"Thank you." She got up, making it clear that she was done for the moment.

Although this conversation hadn't really helped the investigation, Olivia now had a better understanding of the two girls' attitudes. And she was sure of one thing now: Paul was the one who raped Mila. All that still mattered was to find a way to prove it.

As there wasn't much left to do for the moment but wait, Olivia kindly sent her team home for the rest of the evening. She had chosen to stay at her office, filling out paperwork since then. Fin had stayed a little later too, not wanting to leave her alone even though they were working at their own desk. She had buried herself so deep in what she was doing that she hadn't even noted he was still here and only noticed it when he came standing at the threshold of her office.

"Fin! What are you still doing here?" She exclaimed herself, surprised to see him there.

"I could ask you the same."

"Well, I'm the boss so I'm doing the paperwork extra hours." She joked, looking everywhere at her desk covered with piles of files. "Plus, Noah'd gone on a school trip, so I'd rather stay here."

"Than moping around at your apartment?" He smirked, and she frowned. She knew Fin wasn't the type to beat around the bush and he had always been honest with her. So she also knew that this little conversation wasn't going to break the rule.

"Liv, what's going on between you and Stone isn't my business. But your happiness is. And I can tell you're not okay right now." However, she didn't expect this. She was caught off guard and felt like a teenager who had just been caught by her parents.

"There's nothing go-" She tried to defend herself but he cut her off.

"Whatever you say. I may be an old man, but I'm not blind, Liv." He smirked and she sighed. "He's a good guy. You should think about giving him another chance. Just sayin' ". He told her, and with one last teasing glance he turned around.

"Have a goodnight, Liv." He cheerfully told her before leaving.

"You too." She said on a gently accusing tone. She tried to get back into her paperwork, but all she could think of was his words. Maybe he was right after all.

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The next morning, everyone was gathered in the debriefing room and was looking at the big whiteboard, going through all the elements of the investigation. That's when Peter entered the precinct at a quick pace, a coffee and briefcase in hands. All eyes were suddenly on him and he tried as best as he could to get over the fact that Olivia also had her eyes on him. He had to stay focused.

"I was up all night reviewing the case and I may have found a way to bring Paul down for Mila's rape." The tired features on his face, the nervousness and the coffee were perfectly showing the lack of sleep. As everyone was waiting for him to get further, he kept going.

"We'll get nothing more than what we already have by talking to Paul, or Mila, or anyone else. So I thought that maybe we needed to take it back from where it all started: the party." He took a bunch of photos out of his briefcase and put them down on the table.

"I went through all the photos you got via social media or from the people present that night and that's when it hit me. Paul's friend, Louis, was among the people you asked about that night."

"Yes, and he told us he saw both of them going upstairs but Mila didn't look scared. Then he said he was too busy with the party to notice anything else." Amanda answered him.

"Yeah, I know. But that's the point. He's not in any pictures of the party. What's the probability that a boy who said was 'too busy with the party' won't be on any of the thousand selfies taken during the night?" He looked around at everyone who seemed to be thinking about it.

"Then I found this." He took one of the photos and put it further on the table. "Look who's coming down the stairs?" He pointed the guy at the back.

"So you mean he would have a connection to the rape?" Fin asked.

"That doesn't mean anything." Carisi frowned, not really convinced by his theory.

"That's a possibility that can't be ruled out. And at this point, I think we need to consider all the leads." Olivia finally spoke. Peter threw a glance at her and breathed in. He felt somehow relieved that she was on his side.

"I'll ask the judge to postpone the hearing for twenty four hours." Peter told as he took his phone and walked away from the group.

"Fin, Carisi. Bring this young guy here. I think we have some things to ask him."

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 **Reviews are always welcomed**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for all these kind reviews! I'm so glad you like that story. So as I said, here's the last chapter including the case. (But not the last of this story, don't worry!).**

 **I promise to post the next chapter soon! Enjoy guys.**

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At Olivia's order, Fin and Carisi had arrested Louis Howards. The young man had been waiting in the interrogation room for more than half an hour and she had observed him for a few moments through the window. He seemed nervous, and that was a good thing for them. The more nervous he was, the easier it would be for them to drive him into a corner. Fin joined her a few moments later, closely followed by Peter. Olivia looked at him, and he understood what he had to do. It was time for the truth to come out, and he had to get him to talk. This was their last chance before the hearing tomorrow to try to nail Paul. She felt that tug again in her chest, whenever they were in the same room. He walked past her, unintentionally brushing her arm with his. The touch sent shivers through her spine but as the both men entered the room, she quickly pushed the thought away and focused on the scene.

"So, Louis. You know why you're here, right?" Fin said, as he and Peter took a seat.

"No, I don't understand. I've already told your colleague everything I know."

"I don't think so." Fin paused, but the boy wasn't in any mood to talk, so he kept going. "You see, we've really gone through the whole thing and there's something bothering us. You told us you had a great time at the party, didn't you?"

"Ye-yeah. I mean, it was just a party."

"You saw Mila and Paul going upstairs." The boy nodded.

"I didn't surprise me. Everyone knew Paul had designs on her. It was only a matter of time."

"A matter of time for what? Raping her?" Fin started to raise his voice.

"Hey, no that's not- I don't know what happened in that room up there. I just-"

"You just what? We've got a photo of you, walking down the stairs that night." Peter told him, showing the picture to the boy.

"I needed to use the bathroom, that's not a crime!"

"No, but being complicit with a rape and obstructing a police investigation is." Peter answered him.

"What? I didn't do anything!" The boy yelled.

"You really want to dive for Mila's rape, and spend the rest of your life in jail?" Fin added. "We've talked to Paul, and he won't have any problem bringing you down for him." He tried to bluff, and it seemed to work as Louis sighed and tilted his head. His legs were jumping nervously under the table.

"What happened? Did he offer you to get your rocks off? To watch the door so no one gets upstairs to avoid hearing her screams?" Peter asked, but the boy kept quiet. Suddenly, Fin hit a sharp blow on the table, making him jump.

"Talk to us!" He yelled at the boy.

"Alright, alright!" He yelled at his turn. "At first, he just asked me to lend him a camera. My father has a lot of futuristic technological equipment, including spy cameras. But I couldn't get it without getting caught."

"So, what? You're going to make us believe that's all?" Peter said.

"I just had to settle a camera in the room, and pick it up once…" The boy hesitated finishing his sentence.

"Once he was done with Mila?" Fin said, on a tone harsh. The boy closed his eyes, and leaned over his elbows on the table.

"What did you do with the recording?"

"He didn't know what to do with it yet. He asked me to keep it on my computer until then." Peter leaned back in the chair, and turned his head towards the window.

Olivia was half relieved. They were finally going to be able to prosecute Paul for the rape, with solid evidence. Peter had requested a search at his parents' house and it didn't take long for the computer technicians to hack the young boy's password and get the video. They also found some of the text messages shared between Mila and Alisha. They certainly could never prove it, but Jessica probably blackmailed him to provide her these messages.

After watching the video down to the last detail, they could easily prove the rape. Olivia had then spent the whole night preparing the hearing, with Mila and Peter. The young girl had trouble accepting the fact he had been able to film her without her knowledge, like a trophy. But she was grateful though that it wasn't published on the Internet.

The next morning, they were pretty confident. But Olivia couldn't help but be suspicious of the opposing party. As with every hearing, she was nervous but had all her trust in Peter. Despite the fact she had claimed he had broken their trust at the last hearing. She felt bad about it. Peter had done everything to try to fix his mistake, and without him they might never have thought of Louis.

Not surprisingly, Peter led the audience with an iron fist and managed to change the jury's mind. Paul was charged for the rape of Mila, while Louis for complicity. In view of their young age, they would probably be placed in a juvenile prison. It was a relief for the girl, who had cried as the judgment was given. As the hearing was drawn to a close, Peter quietly slipped out of the court. He briefly met Olivia's eyes, who was with Mila and her parents. He sworn he saw a brief thankful smile growing on her face, but he preferred not waiting for her.

When he had returned to his office after dropping off his paperwork at the judge's, he didn't expect to find Jessica sitting at his desk. She looked at him with her haughty smirk. He closed the door behind him and sighed.

"Well done, Peter. I have to admit, I didn't expect it at all. You impressed me!" She smiled.

"I can't believe you did that." He said, dropping his briefcase on the couch. He preferred keeping his distance from her, and remained standing in the middle of the room with his hands in his pockets and his sleeves rolled up.

"Is it really surprising you?" Peter didn't need to explain himself. Both of them knew what the other one was talking about.

"I should have known you would end up in the scam one way or another." It was her turn to let out a sigh, as she got up from the chair. She walked around the desk, letting her fingers slid over the wooden edge and walked to him. He stiffened at their closeness.

"You know I never back down from anything. When I want something, I always get it." She let her perfectly manicured fingers wandering on his bare forearm. He looked down at her hand and stood still. She was so close to him he could feel her warm breath on his cheek. She brought her lips to his face, but he titled his head away before she could reach him.

"Stop it." He replied in a cold, harsh voice. She straightened, looked at him with her head tilted and narrowed her eyes.

"You really do have a crush on that Lieutenant, don't you?" That question caught him off guard, and he tried his best to seem indifferent.

"This is none of your business."

"I can see why she would be interested in you. I mean, I know your worth. But you, I'd never pictured you to be into older women." He clenched his fist inside his pants and felt immediately protective of Olivia, even though she wasn't there.

"You don't know her. She's everything you'll never be." Jessica couldn't contain her laugh, full of bitterness.

"Peter, Peter, Peter." She shook her head. "It's only a matter of time until you realize she's not the one for you. And when that day comes, you will crawl to me."

"I suggest you to take the first flight to Chicago, and never set foot in New York again." His look was dark and piercing.

"Is that a threat, Peter?"

"An advice."

"Well, you never know. Maybe I'd stick around a little longer." She replied, putting her finger on his chin before leaving the office. He watched her leave, not without some disregard for her.

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Later that night, Olivia was wandering the streets of Manhattan. She couldn't sleep. Noah was still on his school trip, so she had allowed herself going out for a walk instead of being locked up alone in her apartment. She didn't know if it was a coincidence or her subconscious that brought her here, but she found herself in front of Peter's building. She stayed a few moments in front of the entrance, and thought about the last few days. They hadn't spoken to each other outside of work since their fight in her office. She had told him that she no longer wanted to work with him after the case and now that it was over, she didn't know where she stood anymore. She felt the need to apologize to him, but she was also afraid of having to deal with her own feelings once she'd go through that door.

Peter was a few floors up, watching an old baseball game with a beer. When he heard knocking on the door, he looked at his watch and wondered who could be there at such a late hour. A little voice in his head begged the heavens not to let it be Jessica. He turned off his television and put his beer down on the coffee table. When he walked towards the door, at no time did he imagine he would find her behind it. So his astonishment was hard to hide when he opened the door and met her standing there.

"Olivia…"

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 **Reviews are always welcomed.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for the reviews! I love you so much guys, you have no idea how much I enjoy reading your comments. I'm nervously posting this new chapter. I've been working on this one for DAYS and HOURS. I wrote, erased, and wrote again. I had a lot of trouble getting to the end but here we are! I hope you won't be disappointed.**

 **It's a very long chapter (for me anyway, hehe) because I slightly wanted to make it up to you in advance for the lack of updates in the coming weeks. I'm taking the plane for Vancouver on Saturday, and I will stay there for about two weeks. So I won't be able to write during that period. And by the time I get home, get my marks back, etc. I'm not sure when I will be able to write again. But I promise you, the sooner I can, the sooner you will know!**

 **And who knows, maybe I will be hit by a wave of inspiration and post a short one before I leave!**

 **Thank you again for sticking around. Have fun reading! ;)**

 _ **(Sorry for all the eventual mistakes. My brain is a mess.)**_

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He didn't expect to see her outside his apartment. They stood there for a moment, facing each other before he finally took a step back and let her in. She walked until she was standing at the middle of the kitchen and turned around to face him again. She didn't seem to intend to stay. She had kept her coat on and put her hands deep in her pockets. She looked tormented, and didn't know how to say what was on her mind. Peter immediately felt her discomfort. Everything used to be so easy between them before all this mess. He didn't know how to react anymore, scared to say or do something wrong again. The last thing he wanted was to mess it all up again.

"How's Mila?" Peter asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"It's gonna be a long road to recovery, but she has a lot of support. She'll do fine."

Peter nodded, and they fell into a heavy silence again.

"Peter, I-" Olivia sighed.

"Liv, I get it." He cut her off. "You don't need to say anything." Here they were. It was the moment they both feared.

"I'm sorry." She replied anyway. "I really am. I still don't put up with the way you handled it, but… I refused to listen to you. I should have given you a chance to explain yourself."

"If anyone in this room should apologize, it's only me." He sighed. "I deserved it. I didn't want to talk about the evidence at the hearing. I didn't mean to trap the victim. I never thought she'd be able to fool me that much, but I should have known better with her." He paused, but Olivia let him talk.

"Listen, after Pamela's death…" He swallowed hard, still having trouble to cope with her loss. "The only reason I didn't go down is the job. I'm not sure I have enough strength left to stay in this city except for the unit, or for _you_... There's nothing else keeping me in this town. I'm utterly sorry that I broke your trust. So if you've made your decision, I'll respect it and go back to Chicago."

Olivia closed her eyes for a moment trying to control her emotions. Her heart clenched at his words. She couldn't believe what he just said. Of course she didn't want him to leave. She had lost far too many friends, too many people she cared about. She felt like she was living the same scene over and over again.

"Peter, I didn't mean what I said." She locked his eyes with hers, and fought hard against the tears that threatened to fall. "I felt hurt, I was mad at you."

He walked slowly towards her, her heartbeat increasing with each dangerous step he was taking. He was afraid to scare her and make her shutting him out. She looked down, not having the strength to look him in the eye anymore. He raised his hand and gently cupped her face. She sighed, and leaned in his touch. Despite the little inner voice shouting at her to leave, she couldn't help but savor the contact she had so long craved with him.

"I never meant to hurt you, Olivia." He whispered and rested his forehead against hers. Their mouths were inches apart. She took her hands out of her coat. The tension in her shoulders loosened a bit, and she brought one of her hands near his face. She was scared to touch him, scared to let go. Shyly, she finally rested it on his shoulder and slid it up to the back of his neck. She clenched his shirt with her other one, above his hip. She was torn between her fears and her desires. She had pushed him away. She had told him they couldn't work this out. But deep inside, she was dying to feel his arms around her. What if this time she was willing to let him in?

"I need you to stay." She mumbled to him, in a small broken voice as if she was almost scared to speak her feelings out loud. She slid her nose against his and their mouths were hesitantly searching for each other. This was all the consent he needed, and he finally closed the gap. His lips found hers in a slow and gentle kiss. It lasted a few seconds before he pulled away to catch her gaze. He wanted to be sure she was with him. The last time he had kissed her, she left without giving him any hope. But this time, he found a glimpse in her eyes. It was different. There was a thing that flinched in the air, and silently they both agreed on each other needs.

He tangled his right hand in her hair, and pulled her face towards his again. He crashed his lips against hers and deepened the kiss. The moan that escaped her throat aroused him and he groaned feeling her tongue slowly brushing his lower lip, asking for permission. He let her in and things escalated quickly. He grabbed the lapels of her coat, and pulled it down her shoulders until it was thrown carelessly over the couch. His muscles arms encircled her waist, pulling her even closer to him. She cupped his face and slid her other arm around his broad shoulders. Their tongues were dancing in each other's mouths. They were losing themselves in the scent and heat of their bodies. This need to feel the other in the depths of its intimacy had almost become vital. Adrenaline was rushing through their veins, and had taken them away from all reality and reason.

He pushed her slightly, making her walk backwards. His hands were everywhere on her back as they were blindly walking to the other room. She clumsily hit the wall with her back, and they broke the kiss as they almost tripped over. He quickly steadied them by leaning his hand against the doorframe. They were both breathless and their hearts were drumming frantically against their ribcages. He nestled his head in the crook of her neck and inhaled her scent through his nose, in need of air. She tilted her head instinctively and closed her eyes, thinking of nothing but the pleasure Peter was giving her. She scratched the top of his head with her fingers as he dropped a kiss on the spot under her ear, then along her jaw up to her mouth again. He guided her to the bedroom, without releasing his grip or taking his lips off hers.

His hands slipped over her hips, fingers grazing over the silk blouse. Hers were working on his shirt, blindly seeking out the buttons, popping them open, one after the other. They kept kissing like two magnets with opposite poles. He tugged her blouse of her pants and his hands made their way up to her sides. Feeling his fingers brushing her skin warmed her lower abdomen. At this right moment, Olivia's brain was disconnected to all kind of reality. She didn't care if they were rushing into things. She didn't care about his age anymore, or what would happen next. All that mattered was his hands on her body, his mouth making love to hers.

A second later, his shirt hit the floor, leaving him bare-chested and even more desperate to feel her skin against his. He grabbed the hem of her top and pulled it up. She helped him, raising her arms and they had to break their kiss as he finally took if off. They took a minute to admire each other body. Their breathing were erratic, their pupils dilated and darken with desire.

She carelessly slipped out of her boots, and immediately looked smaller in front of Peter. His broad chest and shoulders looked powerful. She let her hands wandering on his sculpted body down his abdomen. He helped her unbuckled his belt and in no time he stepped out of his pants.

He slightly crouched to wrap one arm around her waist, the other one grabbing her thigh and wrapped it around his hip. She tightened her grip on his shoulders to steady herself as he lifted her. He gently laid her down the mattress and they crawled up the bed. Soon it was his turn to unbuttoning her pants. She arched her body to help him as he grabbed the hems and pushed it down her legs. He was propped on his knees, and he caressed her body with a look so eager that she felt her cheeks turned red. She felt suddenly shy, her skin and scars totally exposed to him. But her doubts faded away with the smile he offered her. It'd been a long time since a man's simple look had made her feel so beautiful and desirable. Even in his wildest dreams, she had never been as magnificent as she was at this very moment. There, lying in front of him in a black lacy set, panting heavily.

"Come here." She whispered, stretching out her hand. He immediately grabbed it, lacing their fingers as he bent down above her. He was holding his weight on his powerful forearms, and she ran her hands up his muscled biceps. She parted her legs to welcome him and she could easily feel his growing arousing through the fabric of their underwear.

"You're so beautiful." He murmured to her ear and his words sent shivers through her spine. He kissed her temple, her cheekbone, her nose and finally her mouth again. The kiss was slower and tender. He slipped his hand behind her back and unclasped her bra with an ease that would have surprised her if she wasn't so focused on the way he was worshipping her body. He threw the piece of lingerie behind him and Olivia whimpered when his right hand cupped her breast, his thumb teasing the nipple. Her hands were wandering down his back and she slid them in his underwear, firmly pressing his buttocks. He let out a deep groan in her mouth as he slowly grinned against her. Her body was eagerly responding to his and it was getting more and more difficult to take things slow.

"Peter." She broke the kiss, in a demanding moan and he lost his mind. Without warning, he pulled back and she was already missing the warmness of his presence. He removed his boxer and she licked her lips appreciating the view while she was also getting rid of her own panties. As he climbed on top of her again, he noticed the goosebumps and immediately pulled the cover above them. Once they were both nestled warmly, he stretched out his hand and clumsily opened the drawer to grab a condom. In no time he tore it off with his teeth and pulled it down his length.

As he settled down in her arms, he kissed her parted lips. He couldn't get enough of her, as if she was sending oxygen straight down his lungs. He positioned himself at her entrance, and pulled back his head to look straight into her eyes.

"You okay?" Their closeness had something comforting and warm. They couldn't go back, and neither she nor he wanted to. But he made sure she was okay with this. Things had slipped out of their control, but he wanted her to feel confident and give her the choice until the last second.

"I want this. I want _you_." She said breathless.

No more words needed, he entered her in a swift motion and all the tension built from day one, the doubts, the fears vanished suddenly as he hushed her moan with a heated kiss. He gave her time to adjust to his size and then started moving. She crossed her legs behind his rears as he was slowly building their rhythm.

"God, Liv." He mumbled against her neck, where he was busy leaving hot open-mouthed kisses against her skin. She tugged at his hair and was digging her fingernails in his shoulder blade with her other hand. He didn't know how long he would be able to hold it as the tension was too much to bear. Soon his thrusts were deep and strong, and the feeling of him inside her made her back arching. He dropped wet kisses on her jaw then down her throat, feeling the vibration of her moanings. His fingers intermingled with her hair as his other hand made its way down between her legs. He sensed she was close as he brushed her with his thumb. He could feel her walls tighten around him and her breathing speed up.

"That's it. Let it go." He soothed her in a seductive tone. She met him thrust for thrust, as they were both over the edge of exploding. He quickened the pace, and she closed her eyes. He nestled his face in the crook of her neck and she turned her head, nudging his temple with her nose. It felt as if the time had stopped. They were in their own little bubble, just the two of them with nothing mattering anymore. It wasn't just sex. It was a deeper connection. She could feel it with the way he was kissing her, touching her skin. He kept going with his smooth thrusts, in and out, again and again. She was losing it all like never a man had made her lose it before. She could feel the heat growing in her body, the blood rushing through her veins, the dizziness invading all her senses.

"Fuck, yes." She moaned in his ear and these two words were his undoing. In one last thrust they both came in sync and reached their climax together, filling the room with grunt and whimper. He kept moving gently inside her, savoring the feeling until the very last wave of pleasure. Finally Peter pulled out and collapsed next to her, their sweaty bodies tangled in each other.

"That was…" Olivia breathed out, looking at the ceiling.

"Yeah…" Peter replied, his heartbeat slowly getting its normal rhythm back. He wanted this moment to last forever. They laid still for a moment, catching their breath. A few minutes later she felt him move against her and he planted a kiss on her shoulder before getting out of the sheets.

"I'll be right back." He told her and disappeared into the bathroom. Olivia found herself alone with her own thoughts and as she just got her breath back, her subconscious became aware of what had just happened. Her first reaction would have been to run away, to build her walls up again. But probably thanks to the action of serotonin and endorphin on her brain, she felt serene and soothed. For now, she was just enjoying the good feeling it was providing her.

When he finally came back from the bathroom, she had switched to her side, her back to his and seemed to have fallen asleep. He didn't even try to hide the soft smile growing on his face as he walked to the bed. Carefully, he slipped under the cover and reached for her. As soon as she had felt him hugging her from behind, her whole body relaxed and instinctively snuggled closer to him. He was happy to find out she wasn't sleeping as he had thought.

One of his legs sneaked in between hers, and his arm was possessively holding her. She didn't mind the closeness. Not with him. She felt safe and loved wrapped up in his arms, two feelings she hadn't felt in a long time. It was a stolen moment in their chaotic lives and she wouldn't have wished to share it with anyone else. They laid silently in the dark for long minutes. Olivia could feel his warm breath against her neck and she closed her eyes. Her brain automatically brought her the past few hours memories. She hadn't planned anything when she knocked on his door. But here she was, in _his_ bed, in _his_ arms. However, there was something upsetting her mind. She didn't know if it was the time or the place to talk about it, but if she didn't ask it now, she would never do it again.

Once she felt confident enough, she broke the silence.

"So, you were married?" The question didn't surprise Peter. He knew they would eventually end up talking about it, although he wasn't really sure he wanted to think back of that part of his life in this particular moment. But he knew that he owed Olivia an explanation somehow.

"Almost. But yes, it was a long time ago."

"You were happy?"

"I was, or I thought." He paused. "I believed for a long time that it was how things were supposed to be: studying, having a job, finding a nice girl and marrying her, having a family."

"And what happened?" Her fingers started playing randomly with his and he opened his hand, letting free access to her caresses. She lazily brushed his knuckles with her fingertips, then the inner of his palm.

"Life, I guess. I thought we were meant to be, because it felt right. It was after my sportive career. We met at the university, her family was wealthy, on good terms with mine, she was beautiful,... But with time I realized we were completely different. We didn't want the same things."

"What did you want?"

"She wanted notoriety, success and money. While I just wanted to be… happy, and feel useful. So one day, after an umpteenth argument I broke up with her. I think she never really forgave me." He felt her nod, and he stopped her soft tickles by lacing their fingers together.

"What about you?" He mumbled against her skin, dropping light kisses on her neck and down her shoulder.

"Me?" She snorted softly, not really getting the point of his question.

"Have you ever been in love?" Her heart skipped a beat. She stayed quiet for a while, not really knowing how to respond to that. She hesitated for a moment, not knowing what to say. But she thought that being honest with herself was probably the best to do.

"There'd been someone, a long time ago." She paused. "The longest relationship I've ever had with a man." She recalled her own words she said years ago. "But we weren't- nothing ever happened between us."

"But you loved him." There was a heavy silence again, and Peter didn't know if she was taking her time thinking about the question or if she didn't want to answer him.

"He was my partner, for 13 years. And he was married."

"What happened?"

"There was a rough case. It's a- a long story, but there was a shooting at the precinct. A teenage girl literally lost it in front of her mother's killers and rappers. She- she was completely distraught. He tried to reason with her but she started shooting at everyone." She sighed. "He shot her down." There was a long silence, once again, before she kept talking. "He put his papers in and disappeared, just like that. I never heard from him again."

"It must have been hard for you." He tightened his grip on her, trying to comfort her. His heart clenched, imagining the hurt she had probably felt.

"I thought we'd get through this together. I would have been there for him. I would never have let him down. He knew it." Peter could feel the bitterness through the way she spoke, and he felt her tensed in his arms. It was the first time she'd ever told anyone how she truly felt at that time.

"You're still mad at him?" He softly asked.

"I don't know." She sighed. "I guess a part of me will always hate him for the way he left. But I get it, the guilt, the pressure. I just hope he has found the peace he was looking for somewhere and that he's happy the way it is."

Of course, there had been a few other men who had also meant a lot to her. But Elliot, he was special. She felt a tug at her heart, finally putting words on her feelings. She had never really talked openly about it with anyone on her team, always shutting him out everyone who dared asking her about it. She wouldn't have been able to say why Peter was the one she finally talked freely to. Maybe because the scars were less open now than years ago. Still there, but less deep. She had mourned this chapter of her life, although she would never forget it.

She sighed, as silence propped over the room once again. Peter had quietly given her his support, and she appreciated it. They'd never really needed words to understand each other. She could hear his breathing becoming more regular and deeper. She knew he had somehow fallen asleep, and she closed her eyes at her turn.

A few hours later, as the night was already largely consumed, Olivia started to shift in the bed. She hardly came out of her sleep, but she could feel something was off. She slightly frowned, and rolled on her back. She stretched out her hand, but all she found was an empty place. Peter wasn't there. As she straightened in a sitting position, an unknown noise came up from the room next door. She turned around and switched the lamp on, trying to calm the sudden wave of panic that seized her. She got out of bed, and noticed Peter's shirt lying on the floor. She picked it up and put it on.

"Peter?" She entered the kitchen, crossing her arms on her chest. She let her eyes adjust to the darkness of the room, as she finally found him standing behind the kitchen island.

"Uh, Liv. I didn't want to wake you." He was slightly startled to see her there. His voice was shaking, and he tried to compose himself, clearing his throat.

"Is everything okay?" She asked, tilting her head to catch his eyes.

"Ye-Yeah. I'm good." He was leaning on the counter with both of his hands and was avoiding her gaze. He didn't want her to see him like this, that's why he had isolated himself in the kitchen to get a grip on himself. But Olivia kept walking forward, and quickly found herself at his side. Even turning his head away from hers, he couldn't fool her. She knew better than anyone.

"You want to talk about it?" Her voice was so soft that he just wanted to collapse into her arms. But he was far too proud to show himself so weakened. He didn't mind crying in front of her. She'd already seen him devastated the day Pamela died. But what was happening right now, he hadn't told anyone about it. He had managed to hide his demons until now, and he was fighting hard against the urge to tell her about everything. He closed his eyes firmly, and shook his head. But suddenly feeling Olivia's hand resting on his broke all the walls he'd had tried to keep high. He tilted his head back and took a deep shaking breath. He tried to hold the tears, but the pain was so unbearable he couldn't longer fight them. He broke down and she pulled his arm aside to snuggle against his body.

"Peter…" She breathed out his name, heartbroken. He let her wrap her arms around him, as he did the same. He rested his lips against the top of her head, humming the intoxicating scent of her hair as the tears were silently streaming down his cheeks. She was holding tightly onto him, trying to comfort him as best as she could. He sniffled, and then breathed out heavily.

"I've been experiencing some violent nightmares, and I'm not handling them very well." He snorted ironically between two sobs. Olivia raised her head from his chest and looked at him.

"I didn't know, Peter. I'm sorry."

"I didn't tell anyone." He shook his head, and seemed to be miles away as he was looking straight ahead. "I keep seeing her." The words hardly escaped his mouth. Despite the darkness of the room, Olivia could see all the pain and sadness in his eyes. She laid her hand on his cheek, trying to catch his gaze.

"Talk to me." She whispered, desperately. He suddenly came to his senses, and cleared his throat. His face was still wet by the tears but she could tell he was trying hard to get a hold on himself. Olivia felt he wasn't ready to share anything with her yet, and she totally respected it.

"We should go back to bed." He slightly smiled, but it wasn't convincing at all. She let him believe it was as he grabbed her hand and pulled her with him.

She knew that his sister's death had left a terrible mark on him. But she had no idea of the depth of the trauma and psychological wounds he had been struggling with. She herself understood better than anyone else the damages nightmares could cause. She still had some, and will always have. It was something inevitable, something you could never escape from again. And she was hoping some days Peter would learn how to live with his own demons.

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 **Reviews are always welcomed!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello fellow readers! Thank you again for your reviews.**

 **It's always a pleasure to read your thoughts on my work. I know that sometimes the paths I take in the story don't really stick with the characters. It's very difficult to correctly identify the characters, to guess how they would react in a given situation. What I like about the fanfictions is that we can let our imagination run wild. My first purpose is to enjoy writing first for myself but also,** _ **for you**_ **. And I apologize if sometimes I disappoint you in your expectations. I admit I shouldn't dwell too much on the legal details since I don't know much about them. I take into consideration all your comments and try my best to improve in the way you'd like the story to go.**

 **Sorry for the long break. Here I am with the next chapter!**

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Another rough case involving children; that was what Olivia hated the most about the job.

She had locked herself in her office, trying to get an end on those paperwork while her detectives were trying to find proves of abuse towards the kid. But it hadn't been easy as her mind kept wandering around. Her brain was a mess between the ongoing case, her son being away and the latest events with Peter. Keeping denying their attraction would have been a lie, especially after the steamy night they had spent together. But Olivia wasn't very good at dealing with her own feelings. She would prefer burying them in the back of her head rather than facing the reality.

She left quickly the morning after, claiming she had to go home to get changed before heading to work. They hadn't spoken with each other since then. Peter had been a real gentleman. He had given her space and time, but she knew that at some point she would have to deal with him – work related or not. Hopefully, as no official demand had been sent for a transfer after the last case and their fight, Peter was still assigned to the svu. But was it really a good thing? Olivia let herself think for a second that maybe it would have been easier if they weren't working together. She remembered how it had turned out with David years ago. Why would it be different with Peter? Honestly, it wasn't something she had thought before sleeping with him. She had just indulged in their game of seduction, she had let him in and now she found herself in a delicate position. She didn't regret anything, quite the contrary. It'd been so long since she had let herself go so far with a man and just thinking about what he'd been able to do to her body… She quickly brushed that thought away. She needed to think straight. They were both grown-ups, they wouldn't let their – whatever kind of – relationship interfere with work, would they?

When she heard the three knocks on the door, she didn't even bother looking up as she was trying to finish the sentence she had started to write ten minutes ago.

"Come in."

"Hey." Her heart skipped a beat as she recognized the voice. She looked up and tried her best to give him a stone-faced.

"Peter." She greeted him and noticed the file he was holding in his hand. He was obviously here for work.

"I finished reading the report you sent me." He seemed quite upset. "I can't do anything with that." She pinched her lips. She had feared she would hear him saying that. "We don't even have solid evidence that the kid was abused by the stepfather. You and I both know I need more than that to prosecute him." Olivia sighed, and took her glasses off as she leaned back in her chair.

"I know, I know. We're working on that. But we've been going in circles for days, and I thought that maybe you would have been able to get something out of it."

"I'm sorry, but I need a little more than just a suspicion from the dad." She nodded and rubbed her face with both hands, trying to erase the tiredness crushing her. The father had called the police when he found bruises on his 8-year-old daughter's body after he had picked her up from her mother's house. It wouldn't have been a sexual related case if the girl hadn't refused to go back to her mother's the next weekend, saying that her stepfather _loved her too much._ When the case was opened and detectives interrogated the young child, she retracted her words and the mother claimed that the bruises were due to a fall. Without the girl's testimony, they were stuck.

"Are you okay, Liv? You look pretty worn out." Stone took her out of her thoughts.

"It's this case." She sighed. "I can't believe an 8-year-old child would make that up. I can't shake the bad feeling that something isn't right." She shook her head, and threw a horrific gaze to Peter. Through the year he had worked with Olivia, he had learned that her doubts were usually proved to be well-founded. He had also seen how dedicated to the job she was and tended to let herself get really close to victims. But she wasn't to blame. They wouldn't be human if they weren't feeling even a hint of compassion for all these people. It was even harder when there was a child involved. It no longer only affected the police officer but also her mother's heart. He could only imagine how she must have felt when Noah had been kidnapped. He didn't know the details but he knew how horrible it must have been for both her and the little boy.

He cared for her. More than he would ever have imagined in the first place. She'd been there when Pamela died, and since then she'd given him nothing but support and comfort. Then again that night where they had both crossed the line, she was there for him as another horrific nightmare hit him hard. He had been thinking about it ever since. He had shut her out, not wanting to talk about it. He wasn't ready, but he wanted her to know that he was grateful she was at his side. He felt an even greater need to return the favor and switch roles, even just for a minute.

"Alright, you need a break."

"Peter…" She warned him, watching him make his way to the rack to grab her coat. "I've a lot of work to do, I-"

"Well, this stack of paperwork ain't gonna fly away so it can wait a little." He cut her off as he walked to her side of the desk. She started at him for a moment, hesitantly thinking about his offer even though she knew she had lost the fight the minute he walked through the door.

"Come on, let's grab a coffee while you tell me everything about that bad feeling." He softly smiled.

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"If we don't find any other evidence, I'll have to close the case." Peter said as he handed her the coffee he had just ordered at the truck. "Do you think the mother might be lying?"

"I don't know, but she's definitely hiding something." She took a sip of her hot drink. She hadn't realized how much she needed to get out of her office until now, as they were both walking at an ease pace in the street. "The girl seemed… scared of someone. Her answers didn't feel natural to me. And strangely enough, they were perfectly the same as her mother's..."

"As if she had been told exactly what to say." Peter finished her sentence, and Olivia nodded. "Have you tried to talk to the mother, in private?" They got used to see that victims were usually more opened to talk when they weren't on their own territory, and not in the presence of the presumed abuser.

"She doesn't want us near her family. She's not very cooperative."

"I could make a referral to child protective services if you feel she's protecting her boyfriend or not acting in her child's best interests, if it can help you."

Olivia nodded again. She didn't like it, but maybe this was the only way to break through the mystery. As they kept walking in silence, she got lost in her thoughts. It was breaking her heart knowing what the girl might have been endured during all this time and that she was still forced to lie. She couldn't imagine what would happen if the case was closed, if she had to resume her normal life while keeping to live with her stepfather after all he had done to her. Because deep down, she _knew_ the little girl had been telling the truth in the first place. How could an adult be so cruel towards a child?

Peter was looking at her from the corner of his eye. He could tell she was torn by all of this and he felt helpless. But so far, both of them had done their best on this case. All they could do from now on was waiting and pondering over the case all night long would lead them nowhere.

"Liv…" He sighed, gently grabbing her elbow. He brought her out of her thoughts as they stopped walking. "Stop torturing yourself." His voice was soft, almost as quiet as a whisper. She looked up at him, and sadly smiled. He was right, but she couldn't help it.

He realized he was still holding on her elbow. He loosened his grip, and let his hand slip along her forearm. They both looked down, as he brushed her hand with his fingertips. Feeling each other's skin – as quick and short was the touch – sent shivers through their bodies. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, to kiss her, to _feel_ her as if it almost became a vital need. But they were in the middle of the street, a few blocks away from the precinct. Moreover, he still didn't know how to act with her. He didn't want to frighten her or seem too eager. He'd give anything to know what was going on in that beautiful mind of hers. Olivia wasn't an open book. It was hard for him to make his way through her mind sometimes. But over time, he had learned how make her feel at ease enough to share her thoughts with him. Maybe a diner would be a good opportunity to distract her from the case _and_ talk about what was going on between them. Plus, he wasn't against spending time with her again. He thought for a second if this was the right timing, but he didn't linger on the thought. He feared he would sneak off if he waited too long.

"Diner at my place tonight?" He hesitantly asked.

"I can't, not tonight." He tried to hide his disappointment but Olivia noticed it. "Noah's coming home from his school trip. But if you're not against pizza and movie night, you're more than welcome." The smile that she offered him was contagious and he couldn't do without smiling back.

"You haven't seen Noah in days, I don't want to intrude."

"He'll be happy to see you, it's been a while. And once bed time is over, it'll just be the two of us." She paused. "I think we need to talk."

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 _Will they be able to open their hearts to each other? Will Peter be able to reassure Olivia on her fears? Find out in the next chapter!_

 **I hesitated a long time about the right timing to cut the chapter. It's short, I know, but I think it's better if I leave it on hold from here. I had a lot of trouble finding time to write it and I don't want to rush anything. Please let reviews!**

 **I promise I'll be quick on the next update... :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey, hey, hey. I'm back with the new chapter! Sorry it took me so long… I'm not really sure about this one. I hesitated a long time before posting it, rewriting it over and over again. I hope you will enjoy it, though.**

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Later that evening, Olivia had picked up Noah from school. She had left work earlier than expected, absolutely wanting to be there for her son's return. The boy was overexcited, and hadn't stopped talking all the way home. She was listening to him very attentively, and couldn't wipe the silly smile off her face since she had been reunited with him. It'd been a big change for her to let him go so far and so long since the events with Sheila. But knowing the children were supervised by teachers had helped her go through the week without much struggle. She was a happy mom seeing that Noah had had a great time and flourished so much during that stay, but she was also relieved to finally have him near her again.

She had waited until they got home to tell Noah that Peter was coming over tonight and she never thought he could have been more overjoyed than he was at the moment. He was jumping all over the place and she had trouble focusing his energy on something else. They still had some time left before dinner and Olivia had taken the opportunity to tidy up his things and sort out the laundry, while still listening to her son talking about his wonderful discoveries. It felt good to have the complicity back with her boy. It's true that recently, their relationship had been chaotic. Noah had thrown tantrums to test her limits more than usual and it almost drove her to despair. But things were slowly starting to go back to normal.

She had no idea if his change in behavior had anything to do with Peter's arrival in his life, but part of her hoped so. She'd been successfully raising her son on her own and she had always made sure he had everything he needed. A child didn't necessarily need a father and mother figure to blossom, and Noah didn't lack people to rely on in his entourage. But he'd been wondering a lot about his other parent in the past few weeks, and it was quite legitimate for a child of his age. He was a very smart boy who was already probably looking for his identity. Maybe Peter had entered the boy's life in an opportune moment, and as long as it was bringing him happiness she would be grateful for that no matter who it was.

Peter arrived later in the night. She and Noah were setting the table when they heard the soft knocks on the door. Noah's face lit up and he tried to contain his enthusiasm.

"Go wash your hands, honey. I'll open the door." She settled the last glass on the table as Noah nodded frenetically and disappeared in a flash to the bathroom. She walked towards the front door with a knot in her stomach. She couldn't tell if it was due to the excitement of seeing Peter or the anxiety of a future conversation they might share later. She was still not sure what to say to him, but she convinced herself she would probably find something in the right time.

She opened the door to find him standing at the threshold, widely smiling as their eyes locked. It was unbelievable how easily he could make vanished all her fears with just a smile.

"Hey." He breathed out.

"Right on time!" She greeted him cheerfully. The delivery guy had dropped off the pizzas ten minutes ago. She had already ordered them as Peter sent her a message to let her know he would be slightly late.

"I'm sorry I got a little setback at the office then I had trouble finding a parking spot."

"Nothing to do with the case I hope?" She frowned.

"Oh no, no. Don't worry about it." He quickly reassured her as he realized he had unconsciously put a stress on her. He really didn't want to talk about work tonight. He needed to chill out in good company, and he was convinced it could also do Olivia good.

They stood still for a few seconds as they lost themselves in each other's gaze. She was really beautiful in her jean, grey top and her cream wool cardigan. She was even more breathtaking with her hair tied up in a low ponytail. She always had that particular power to make his heart skip a beat whenever he would let his eyes linger on her. She had such an attractive aura, and it was something he had known would cause him trouble from the day they met.

He cleared his throat, putting her out of her thoughts and she quickly stepped aside. She hadn't even realized they had been standing on her threshold the whole time.

"Oh, come in." She said, opening the door wider. He took a few steps and stopped at her height. They looked at each other one more time, and he didn't know what to do. It was still new and they hadn't even spoken about where they were standing in their relationship. He didn't want to seem indifferent, but on the other hand he was afraid kissing her would be too soon. As it started to feel awkward, he finally dropped the thought.

"These are for you." He shyly handed her the flowers bouquet he had been holding in his right hand all along. Olivia hadn't even noticed it until now and couldn't hide her surprise. It was nothing too extravagant or romantic; it was just a pretty floral arrangement with white and pink flowers.

"I didn't really know what would please you. I thought flowers would be the best deal."

"They are really beautiful. Thank you, Peter." She was touched by the gesture and took the bouquet as he stepped in the apartment.

"Peteer!" A cheerful voice came from the other room and the next second Noah rushed into the living room and threw himself in Peter's legs.

"Hey, buddy. What's up?" He brightly smiled at his enthusiasm and placed his free hand on his back.

"My trip was awesome! I've got so many things to tell you. First there was a wild boar, he was so big! And then, we visited a space center and-"

"Woah, there." Olivia chuckled. He was starting to ramble again on his trip and she knew if she didn't stop him now they would probably never eat. "Pizzas are getting cold. What about you tell Peter everything around the table?" The boy nodded happily as he finally calmed down and turned around to go sit at the table.

"Oh, wait." Peter said, as he realized he almost forgot one important thing. Olivia and Noah both turned their heads towards him. "This one is for you." He crouched down on one knee and handed him a box wrapped in a brown gift paper wrap. His face lit up and he took the box, without taking his eyes off it.

"Noah, what do you say?" Olivia warned him gently as he forgot the good manners because of all the excitement.

"Thank you!" He replied mechanically without really caring about the two adults anymore as rushed to the couch. Peter stood up, taking off his coat and watched with apprehension as the young boy unwrapped the present.

"You shouldn't have, thank you." Olivia whispered to him. She was really grateful and didn't want him to feel obligated to be that much generous with any of them.

"That makes me happy, really." He smiled at her and his gaze was so sincere it almost took her breath away.

"A new glove! That's so cool!" The cries of joy forced them to turn their eyes away from each other. Peter brightly smiled as he walked over the couch with his coat in hand. He carefully laid it on the armrest and sat next to the boy. In truth to be told, it wasn't a brand new one. But it had an important and sentimental history behind.

"This is the glove I first learned to play baseball with when I was a kid. I was a little older than you, but in a few months it should fit your hand perfectly."

Noah's eyes were filled with sparkles. He didn't care about having a super trendy glove; receiving Peter's – which he considered as his role model in baseball – was even better than any other gift in the world. Peter looked up at Olivia to catch a look on her reaction. He was afraid that his good intentions would be perceived too intrusively in her son's life and it was the last thing he wanted under any circumstances. Instead he was surprised to see her completely stunned and speechless.

"Peter, are you sure?" She was finally able to articulate. It was part of his childhood memories, and it made the gesture even more meaningful. "It must mean a lot to you." He shrugged softly.

"It was collecting dust in the back of my closet. It will be more useful to him than to me now."

"Thank you so much, you're the best!" Noah exclaimed himself as he jumped straight on his feet and threw his arms around Peter's neck. He hugged him, and patted his tiny back.

"You'll be ready in no time for the next sports season!" The boy pulled his head out from his neck and proudly smiled at him.

"Will you come see my training next weekend?" He asked cheerfully. Peter had been a little caught off guard by the question.

"If your mom agrees with that, then I'll be happy to." Noah immediately turned his head towards his mother who had been looking at them with a soft smile on her face since then.

"Mommy, can Peter come see me playing?" He made her his puppy eyes and it was hard to resist.

"Well, I have no problem with that." She shrugged and smiled even wider as Noah started jumping excitingly on the couch.

The dinner went well. They didn't really get a chance to talk since Noah was monopolizing all the attention by telling Peter about his adventures during his field trip. But it didn't seem to bother him much. Peter loved Noah and his mother's company, and he was enjoying every second spent with them. He almost forgot the reason for this dinner until his eyes crossed Olivia's and he felt a slight hint of awkwardness in the air. Having Peter here, all the three of them acting so naturally seemed so normal and domestic that it made things much more complicated for Olivia. She seemed much less comfortable than usual and Peter hated knowing that it probably had something to do with them crossing the line. He didn't want things to change between them, at least not in a negative way. And that made him believe the evening might take a completely different road than he had hoped.

After that, Noah had insisted on watching a cartoon and they all ended up in the couch. He had settled himself comfortably between the two adults. Peter and Olivia were mindlessly watching the screen as their thoughts were focused on something else. He was throwing glances to her from time to time, and she was really aware of that even though she feigned not to be. She thought her anxiety would have disappeared as the evening went by, but the tension increased even more. And feeling his gaze on her didn't help her relaxing at all. There was no reason to be so nervous. This wasn't the first time Peter was spending time with her outside of work, and in her apartment as well. So why the hell couldn't she just chill out?

Somewhere in the middle of the cartoon, Noah had collapsed on Olivia's lap. The fatigue of the ride back home and the field trip mixed with the excitement of seeing Peter had gotten him to sleep in the blink of an eye. The two adults chuckled at the sight of the boy snuggled against the glove he had received earlier in the night.

"Do you want me to take him to his bed?" Peter whispered, and Olivia nodded.

"Please. I think he will be more comfy."

Carefully, he stood up from the couch and lifted Noah in his arms. He was so dozed off he didn't even flinch when Peter carried him to his bedroom. Olivia followed him and helped him opening the door. Peter waited until she pulled aside the covers to lay the young boy on the mattress. As soon as his head hit the soft pillow, he shifted slightly and whined after his mother. Peter then stepped back, letting Olivia tuck her son in and slipped out of the room.

He closed the door and sighed softly. He suddenly felt the luckiest man in the world. He loved that boy so much, and he never thought he would be where he would now when he first arrived in New York. He had leaned on Olivia and her son as if they were his lifeline. He'd never met anyone like her before. She had shaken his world up.

A few moments later, Olivia came back from the bedroom to find Peter busy with the dishes in her kitchen. His back was turned, and he didn't hear her approaching. She took the opportunity to stop there and observe him. He had rolled up his shirt sleeves and his gestures were meticulous and gentle as if he was trying to make as little noise as possible not to wake Noah. Peter had always been thoughtful and caring towards them. He always surprised her a little more each day and she couldn't help but loving the idea of having him around here more often. And that made her feelings becoming even more conflictual. He was a good man, someone she seemed to be able to count on and trust wholeheartedly. She was torn between her heart and her reason. All she could feel now was fear and she didn't know what to do with this. She was scared of losing control, scared of opening up to him. She was too confused to even think straight.

He had entered her life and Noah's without a warning. If she had to remember when it all started, she wouldn't be able to say. They fell into a kind of pleasant comforting dance she lost herself into over the months. She let her guard down with him and it was something she hadn't been able to do in a long time. But there were still many things he didn't know about her. There are things she swore to herself she'd never talk to anyone about. But if you intend to commit yourself to someone, to honestly open yourself up, you can't do without sharing your most vulnerable secrets with that person. That's what Brian blamed her for at the time of their relationship and she well knew who it had ended. Was she really ready for that? All she could think of was all the reasons there were not to try.

In a way or another, he must have sensed her and turned around.

"Did he go back to sleep easily?" He smiled.

"It didn't take long, he's completely exhausted." She nodded as she walked closer.

"Thank you, for everything." She said, looking at all the clean dishes. "You didn't have to."

"I wasn't gonna let you clean everything up by yourself."

"Noah is so thrilled about his new glove. You're his new hero." She chuckled at the last word.

"All I want is his happiness." He paused, "and yours." She didn't expect him to tell her that kind of thing and didn't know what to say. He had been saying this so seriously that her smile gradually disappeared from her face. She knew the long-awaited moment had come.

"So, you wanted to talk?" He cut off the silence as he wiped his hands with a dish towel. He didn't want to torture them with waiting any longer. Beating around the bush would have been useless. She leaned against the countertop next to him, and he turned around to face her. He looked into her eyes but she couldn't hold his gaze and turned her head. She had fooled herself thinking she would have found the right words when it would be the time.

"I don't know where to start." She breathed out. "I don't know how to handle this. I didn't plan on anything." She finally admitted.

"Well, that makes two of us." He said, dropping the towel carelessly on the sink. "I didn't plan on anything either. I didn't want to rush things between us and I'm sorry if it felt like I pushed you into this situation."

"No, no." She quickly replied. She didn't want him to apologize, for anything. "I wanted this. I don't regret it."

There was a long silence, and Peter could read in her eyes.

"I see a _but_ coming."

" _But_ it happened in the moment and Noah has gotten attached so much to you already. I don't want him to suffer if-" She suddenly stopped talking, realizing where this was going.

"If what?" She closed her eyes, and pinched her lips. She didn't even have the courage to say the words. Peter wasn't mad, at all. He'd felt she just needed to be reassured. This was all new to both of them and he was just as scared as her.

"Liv, you're thinking too much."

"But I have a kid, Peter." She suddenly turned to him again. "I have to think about him when it comes to who I choose to involve in my life because it has an impact on his life too."

"I know that, and I totally get it. You only want what's best for Noah. But have you ever really thought about what you really wanted for _yourself_?"

He caught her off guard. She didn't know what to say. Peter sighed, and she could tell he was being careful with which words to use next.

"You're not only a great mom, or a good Lieutenant." He approached her, and she stiffened a bit. If she let him go too far, she knew she wouldn't resist for long. "You're an amazing and _really_ attractive woman, Olivia." He was now so close to her she could feel his body heat and smell his aftershave. She looked up and met his eyes halfway. She suddenly felt so tiny in front of him and her legs weakened with the way his eyes darkened with desire, admiration andwhat seemed to be... _Love?_

"You don't have to worry about everything." He didn't think twice, didn't hesitate this time and slowly wrapped his arms around her waist. She sighed and instinctively placed her hands on his biceps. She didn't realize she had been holding her breath all this time, as if feeling him against her was acting like a pain killer and helped her releasing all the tension.

"Sometimes, you just have to let go and see where it goes." He paused, and leaned in to rest his forehead against hers. "I promise you I won't run away." He whispered, and she closed her eyes.

"Don't make promises you won't keep." Her voice was weak. His nose rubbed the side of hers, and it was getting hard keeping her thoughts clear with all the sparkles she could feel in every limbs of her body.

"I'm a man of my word, not my type to break promises." Their mouths were so close that she could feel his hot breath against her lips. He wanted to close the gap, to put his desire into action.

"I just need time to figure it out."

"It's okay, there's no need to rush anything."

She shook her head mindlessly. Her thoughts had drifted somewhere else already.

"Can I kiss you now?" He breathed into her parted lips.

She slightly chuckled, and nodded.

"Yes, you can." The next second, Peter shyly teased the tip of her lips. Indeed, they didn't need to rush anything. So he took his time, savoring the taste of their kisses. Her hands slid up along his shoulders, and she wrapped one of her arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly close. She rested the other hand against his cheek as he finally pressed his mouth more firmly against hers. He inhaled deeply, breathing in her scent. The kiss felt soft and warm, almost like a caress. Their lips were moving in sync, fitting each other perfectly.

It didn't last long though, as Peter slowly pulled apart. He knew if he kept kissing her, he soon wouldn't be able to stop. They stood there for heaven knew how long, still holding onto each other.

"I know it's scary not knowing. Not knowing whether it's all really worth it. Not knowing if you should give up or keep fighting." He raised one of his hands and stroked her cheekbone with his thumb. "It's scaring me too."

He pulled back enough to look straight into those beautiful brown eyes of hers.

"But one thing I'm sure is that I want to give us a real try."

Olivia's eyes drifted down and she stared at his mouth. She was speechless and didn't know what to say to him. She was frightened, for so many reasons. But she didn't want to spend the rest of her life wondering how it could have been if she'd been brave enough to offer them a chance. As actions had always spoken louder than words, she leaned forward and their lips locked again. She could feel the adrenaline rushing through her entire body, the butterflies dancing in her lower abdomen. He was making her feel things no one ever had made her experience. It felt so good that she almost begged the universe to stay like that forever.

The kiss broke off naturally, and Peter pulled her in for a hug. It seemed he didn't want the night to end yet either. She snuggled her face into his neck, as he rested his hand behind the top of her head. He felt relieved they finally had been able to talk this out. They still got a long road ahead, but it was a start. He slightly turned his head and buried his nose in her hair. He breathed in the delicate scent of her shampoo, closing his eyes to savor the feeling it brought him about.

"I think I'd better leave. You must be exhausted." He murmured, and then dropped a chaste kiss on the side of her head. They lost track of time and she only realized now how right he was. She was so tired she could have fell asleep right here in his arms.

"Yeah." She breathed out as they slowly pulled apart. She immediately shivered, feeling the cold wave invading her body as he stepped away from her. She was already missing the warm feeling of having his arms around her.

They looked at each other, quietly, and he offered her a soft smile. He kissed her goodbye on the forehead and finally left her apartment.

* * *

 _Now that Peter and Olivia had gotten things straight, what will happen next? Will they be able to keep their relationship under the radar? Will Olivia finally open up to Peter? And will Peter finally accept help to overcome his demons? Find out in the next chapters!_

 **Please, let reviews! Thank you.**


	15. Chapter 15

_**Thank you guys for all the kind reviews! It's always a pleasure to read you.**_

 _ **I'm so sorry for the lack of updates. The past few weeks had been exhausting with work… Here is the new chapter, it's not long but I hope it will do.**_

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The weekend arrived quickly, and neither Peter nor Olivia had seen the week goes by. Moreover, they had hardly seen each other outside of work and the few times they were able to share a few words concerned only the case of the stepfather accused of child abuse. They were still floundering with how to find something tangible enough to build the file, and other cases had been added on top of it, which had made the week completely draining. Olivia was relieved to finally be able to get some fresh air and enjoy the rays of sunshine that were gently warming her face. Luckily, the weather was clement and the kids were going to be able to train under a bright blue sky.

She was sitting in the bleachers, with an elbow leaned against the ledge. She had traded in her Lieutenant's outfit for jeans, light blouse and sandals. She was happy to spend more time with Peter outside of work. She still didn't know how to deal with their newish relationship thing, but she was making effort not to dwell into her bad habit of running away whenever happiness was knocking at her door. She had no idea where this was going. She was clearly scared of the unknown, and hated not having control of that particular aspect of her life.

Peter arrived about twenty minutes later, and he spotted her right away. He could feel his body quivering with anticipation as he approached her. He was spending most of his time with them now, and he was gladly getting used to it. He didn't have friends in the city expect the people he was working with, and it's not like he had a lot of opportunities to socialize outside of the job. Olivia and Noah had kinda become the only stability in his life.

She noticed him as soon as he climbed onto the bleachers at the height of her row, and watched him walk up to her.

"Hey." He widely smiled and sat next to her.

"Hey, you." She smiled back, lifting her sunglasses over the top of her head.

"I stopped by the next-door merchant and took us iced teas." He said, handing her a plastic tumbler.

"Thank you, I needed that." She straightened herself and took a sip. Even though they were in the middle of springtime, the day was surprisingly hot enough to enjoy a fresh drink.

"Has it started yet?" Peter asked, looking at the field.

"You got here just in time." She grinned and he smiled back at her. He hesitated a minute, but then he slid his arm behind her back and settled closer to her.

They were trying to keep themselves from showing any intimate behavior in public. But if they were being honest, it wasn't easy for any of them to act like two friends around each other. They were still in the very beginning of their relationship, and were still getting to know each other. But the physical attraction was well there, and couldn't be denied. It was already complicated enough during their shift hours, and having to also keep on the play act outside of work didn't help.

They were being careful. Not only because they still hadn't said anything to Noah, but also to prevent curious eyes from seeing them much too close to be mere colleagues who were simply enjoying an afternoon together. Although Olivia doubted that there would be any risk to run into somebody from work during a children's baseball training.

"Anything new on the case?" Peter asked, before taking a sip. Olivia sighed and shook her head.

"The investigation is ongoing. The social worker will send us her report when she's all done. The girl had been placed in foster care until then."

"Let's hope we get the end of this soon." Peter sighed.

As the training finally started, both of them silently enjoyed each other presence while looking at the team on the field. Noah eventually spotted Peter and frantically waved at him before focusing back on his moves. The boy had been completely thrilled to spend another afternoon with Peter and the feeling was mutual.

"He's really good at it." Peter said, with a proud grin on his face.

"He'll be happy to hear you said that." She chuckled, and leaned closer to his face. "I think he secretly wants to impress you." She lowered her voice. The comment made Peter's smile widen. Somehow he felt special to know that the kid was trying to make him feel proud of him.

"It reminds me of those times where my father used to take Pam to my baseball games." Olivia turned her head to look at him, surprised to hear him talk about his sister. He seemed more nostalgic than sad, and she was relieved to know there were times where he could find the courage to talk about her and still remember the good memories.

"Every time she was there, it made the game much more important to me. I always made sure to win, to make her proud of me. And it worked, every single time. She kinda brought me luck." He chuckled.

"That's great memories." She softly smiled.

Talking about Pamela was still really difficult for him. Her death was still haunting him, like a ghost who was following him to every place. She was everywhere, and sometimes the sadness was almost too unbearable. There were so many things he still kept buried deep inside him, and Olivia was the only person with whom he felt safe enough to open up his wound. Slowly but surely, it was only a matter of time before he would be ready to heal.

"Yeah." He breathed out. "You must have some great memories too, right?" He turned to her, forcing himself to slightly smile and deliberately changed the subject. Olivia snorted, and tilted her head. It almost sounded bitter, and he wondered why.

"I don't really have many happy memories from my childhood. Not of that kind, anyway." She looked straight ahead, pretending to look for her son among the kids playing on the field. But in truth, the last thing she wanted was to cross Peter's gaze.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, me too." She shrugged.

"No siblings?" He hesitantly asked. He still didn't know much of her backstory, and he tried to dig in a little bit to know more about her. Even though he wasn't sure how she would react.

"I grew up with my mother."

There was a quiet silence after that, as she didn't keep going. He supposed it was all she was willing to tell him for now and he was totally okay with that. He had guessed a long time ago something must have happen in her young age, or at least that there was a sensitive subject she didn't want to linger on. But it was clear she didn't seem quite ready to share it with him yet.

"I don't know how I would have done without my sister." He paused, "I wish things would have been different, though."

"How so?"

"I wish I'd been more present for her."

"You were a good brother, Peter." She sighed. Her words sounded so relieving, but she wasn't sure if he believed a word she said. He had been so though on himself since the day she died.

He inhaled deeply, and she could tell he was fighting hard against the urge to break down in tears. Maybe those were the words he didn't know he needed to hear until now. He swallowed the lump in his throat and suddenly felt her hand on his tight. Right now she didn't care if anyone saw them; she just wanted to be there for him. She gave him a light squeeze and started drawing random circles with her thumb on the fabric of his jean.

He looked up from her hand to her face. He was glad she hadn't put her sunglasses back on, as he let himself drowning deep in the brown shadows of her eyes. Olivia was slightly shaken up by the intensity of his gaze, but she held it.

She was so beautiful. He noticed the small freckles the sun probably made appear on the top of her lightly-pinked cheeks and he found it terribly adorable. His eyes lingered on her lips a little too long, and he suddenly felt the urge to kiss her right there and now. Instinctively, he leaned in but he had to retain himself as he knew they had agreed to keep their relationship quiet for now. He didn't know for how long he would be able to keep pretending. Olivia was also having trouble containing herself, although she wouldn't admit it so easily. It was hard not to give in to temptation, because what they were going through together was so emotionally strong.

"Mommy! Peter!" The high-pitched voice coming from afar made them both startle and they quickly moved away from each other, trying to get a hold on themselves. They hadn't heard the coach whistling the halftime of the training, and were slightly taken aback to see Noah running towards them.

"Hey, kiddo!" Peter exclaimed himself.

"I almost made a home run, did you see it?" He said breathless. He was beyond excited.

"Yeah, I saw that. You've nailed it!" He raised his hand and Noah immediately gave him a high five. Olivia smiled at the interaction. She started to notice a while ago that when Peter was there, her son's attention was shifting more towards him than her. She wasn't against it, quite the contrary. She even found it rather amusing to watch.

She took off her son's hat and tenderly brushed aside the curls hanging in front of his forehead, before putting it back on.

"You're doing great." Peter smiled at the boy.

"Here, sweetheart." Olivia looked into her purse and took out a bottle of water. "Don't forget to drink water, okay?" The boy nodded as he took the bottle.

"Thank you." He yelled to his mother as he was already running back to the field to join his friends.

"That was close." She whispered to Peter as she leaned back in the bleachers bench.

* * *

At the end of the day, Noah had asked that Peter stay for dinner once again. Olivia had immediately agreed on that thought. After bath time for the young boy, he and his mother joined Peter in the living room and sat down at the table. The two adults shared knowing glances throughout the meal, and neither of them was able to wipe that silly smile off their faces.

Since they still had some time before Noah had to go to bed, they let the boy decide what to do next and after careful consideration, he came back from his room with a deck of cards. They all settled down around the coffee table. It was one of his favorite games, and he was beyond thrilled to show Peter how to play. Although he already knew the rules, he pretended not to know them at all and let him explain them, to his great delight.

Soon the room was filled with laughter and screams, as the game went by. As usual, Noah was having the hand. They were all having a good moment. From the outside, they were looking like a happy family and it warmed Olivia's heart to witness the man she was ready to build something with, bonding with her son.

"One more game, Mom! Please." Noah begged his mother, as she had just told him it was time to go to bed after having played for at least a good twenty minutes.

"I think you've had enough fun for the day, right?" He pouted as he knew he wouldn't be able to convince his mother. "Say goodnight to Peter."

He got up on his feet, and walked towards Peter with a sad pout on his face. He opened his little arms and wrapped them around his neck, his head resting on his shoulder.

"Goodbye, Peter."

"Night, buddy." The boy hugged him tightly and Peter gently patted his back.

After that, he followed his mother to his bedroom and he couldn't help but ask that one particularly question he had been wondering about for a while.

"Mommy?" Noah asked as he climbed in his bed, while Olivia was holding up the blankets for him.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Are you gonna marry Peter?" Her eyes grew wide, and she raised her eyebrows. She was completely shaken to hear those words as her boy seemed really serious about the subject.

"Wha- What do you think that?" She frowned.

"I like him, he's funny. And he makes you smile." He said, laying down. She covered him with the blankets and sat down next to him, thinking about what he said for a second.

"Well, that's right." She slightly smiled, realizing her son was right about this last detail. "You like having him around, uh?"

Noah nodded.

"I like him too very much." She admitted.

"So, you're gonna marry him?"

"No, sweetheart." She stroked his face, as he seemed a bit disappointed.

"But that's what people do when they love each other, right? Trevor told me that at school."

Olivia sighed, thinking of how she could answer him. In a way, he wasn't very wrong. But children always had this facility to see things, this innocence that characterized them. Everything seemed so easy for them, there was no middle and sometimes it was hard for them to understand that it wasn't always black and white.

"Yes, but not everyone gets married. There are people who love each other, who stay together all their lives without being married. But that doesn't mean they love each other less. It's a choice people do, you understand?" The boy nodded again, and somehow she was relieved he was satisfied with the answer for now.

"Now get some sleep, alright?" She snuggled the blankets closer to him, and leaned down to kiss him goodnight on the forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

"Love you, too." He yawned, as she got out of his bedroom.

When Olivia returned to the living room, Peter was already sitting on the couch. He turned his head as best as he could and looked over his shoulder. He smiled at her as she approached him. When she was close enough, he stretched out his arm and she grabbed his hand immediately. She let herself fall on the couch next to him, with a heavy sigh.

She nestled herself against him, resting her head in the hollow of his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his waist. It felt good being able to relax in his arms. Now that it was just the two of them, Peter couldn't resist any longer. He turned his head and kissed her forehead, breathing in her scent.

"I've missed you." He whispered, barely audible enough. Olivia chuckled a bit and slightly raised her head to look at him in the eyes.

"I've been away for five minutes, barely." Peter smiled too at her silliness, and moved his hand from her waist to the side of her face. He plunged his fingers in her hair, pulling them back.

"No, I've missed being able to touch you," He lowered his head in the crook of her neck and dropped a wet kiss right where he could feel her jugular pounding fast through her skin, before facing her again. "And kiss you as I want." He then leaned in, closing the gap as she met him halfway. Olivia took a deep breath through her nose, savoring the fact that she could finally feel his warm lips against hers. He slightly pulled back, and kissed her again. Once, then twice. He felt the tip of her tongue softly caressing his lower lip and he gladly let her deepen the kiss. His mouth lingered on hers, their lips melting into one. Olivia wished time had stopped, as she let herself being carried away with the sudden urging wave of love and desire burning her chest.

Reluctantly, their lips slowly parted due to the need of air. They both remained forehead against forehead, smiling mindlessly as they were waiting for their heartbeat to slow back to normal. After a while, she settled her head back on his shoulder, and he tightened his grip on her body. The room was silent, and neither of them dared to speak, not wanting to burst this cocoon of serenity. But Olivia was still thinking about the talk she'd just had with her son, and she suddenly felt the need to share her thoughts with Peter.

"I think he knows."

"Who knows what?" Peter's fingers started to wander randomly up and down her arm still rested around his waist.

"Noah, for you and me."

"Oh." He paused, and pulled back his head to look at her. "Is that a problem?"

"No, no. I mean… I wasn't sure he was ready to keep this _thing_ from himself yet."

"But he is."

"Well, he thought we were gonna get married." Peter couldn't help but laugh.

"What?"

"I know, I know. He's …" She sighed, "he has a really creative mind. I'm not trying to scare you, here." She slightly smiled.

"I think it's cute." Peter shrugged. He couldn't wipe the silly smirk off his face.

"I might talk to him sooner than I expected."

* * *

 _To be continued…_

 _ **In the next chapter, Peter will have to finally face his demons. Will Olivia be enough for him to get through all this? Stay tuned to find out!**_


	16. Chapter 16

**I know, I'm sorry for the lack of updates! I've been writing this chapter since the day I posted the previous one, hoping to post it sooner but well... Life happened haha. I said in the last one that Peter would have to face his demons in this one, but as I was writing and writing and writing... I realized it would be best to cut off the chapter in several parts. So, it's already written but it will happen in the next ones.**

 **However, I still hope you will enjoy this part! I can't wait for you to read the next ones!**

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Olivia opened her eyes sluggishly to take a peek at the window. The sun was barely rising and was started to creep in between the curtains. She knew she was soon expected to wake and get ready for the day. She inhaled deeply, letting the fresh air filling her lungs. She turned her head in her pillow to see the figure lying in the bed. She softly smiled at the still newish-sight of him sleeping peacefully next to her.

Noah had spent the night at Amanda's. He had been asking to see Jessie for a few weeks to play with her and the mothers had finally found a night that suited her both. That's why Peter had been able to sleep in. Usually, he would have get up in the middle of the night and sneak out of the apartment to avoid running into Noah in the early morning. It'd been a little while since they discussed about formalizing their relationship to the boy, but Peter could feel that Olivia was still debating internally. He was her son, and he didn't have to intervene or decide for her when she would be ready to talk to him about it. All Peter wanted was for them to be happy the way they were, no matter what.

Olivia yawned, and stretched out her arm to him. She let the back of her hand lazily hit his shoulder blade.

"Peter…" She whispered. Her hand rubbed his skin up and down his back, in order to get him out of his sleep. But all she got from him was a groan. Olivia couldn't suppress her smirk. She had surprisingly learned over the nights spent together that Peter wasn't a morning person, _at all_. But she also knew that if they didn't get up in five minutes, they would probably both be late.

"Peter… We have to get up for work." She looked at him, waiting for a disapproval hum or another sleepy groan but she didn't get any of this. No, instead she heard a soft snoring suggesting that Peter Stone wasn't about to get up anytime soon.

She smiled while an idea suddenly stroked her mind. She turned towards him, and slowly sneaked closer to him under the sheets. She wrapped her arm around him while she snuggled her face next to his on his pillow. She could feel him relaxing under her touch as her hand made its way up to his torso. She couldn't see it, but Peter was barely hiding the smile growing on his face. Her chest pressed against his muscular back, she let him believe for a moment that she finally chose to go back to sleep a few more minutes. But that was without considering her infallible creativity.

Peter startled abruptly as he felt two icy feet meeting his calves. She couldn't help but giggle behind his back.

"You evil woman." He mumbled, still with his eyes firmly closed. He could sense her smirk behind him, as she nuzzled her nose against the back of his neck.

"Time to get up, sleepy head." He sighed, and lazily rolled over in her arms. They were now face to face. He kept his eyes still closed, and she took the opportunity to observe him more attentively. She brought her hand up to his face, and started tracing his jawline with her fingertip. She could feel the roughness of his nascent morning beard and she let herself imagine for a second what he might look like if he decided to stop shaving. The thought quickly faded away as her eyes landed on his mouth. She gently traced his thin lips, those same soft lips she liked to seal hers with. His nose, his cheekbones… she suddenly started to wonder how she got so lucky to have this handsome _and younger_ man for herself.

She didn't know since how long he had opened his eyes. She had been so focused on the invisible outline of her finger that she hadn't even noticed he'd been observing her silently for a few minutes already. She finally met his gaze and he smiled at her. It was the most sincere and pure smile a man had ever offered her.

"Good morning." He hummed, as he leaned closer to kiss her chastely on the lips. He wrapped her in his arms, pulling her closer against his tone chest and buried his nose in her messy hair. It was at that exact moment Peter knew he could easily get used to spending the rest of his mornings like this one.

"Peter…" She warned him gently. She well knew what he was trying to do.

"Just five more minutes." He murmured against the top of her head. He sure as hell didn't want to get up and let go of her yet.

"We're gonna be late." She muffled in his arms, but he shifted them more comfortably. There was a silence filling the room, and then Peter pulled back his head to meet her eyes.

"How about we stay in bed all day?" Olivia didn't expect that at all. She opened her mouth to say something, thinking he was clearly joking. But then she realized he was deadly serious.

"What?" She exclaimed herself. In answer, Peter snuggled his head back in the crock of her neck. He hummed against her skin while he started letting kisses along her collarbone.

"You could call and say you're taking the day off." He suggested. She closed her eyes, savoring the feeling of his warm lips worshipping her body as he was getting lower. But as tempting as it sounded, she kept standing up to him.

"You know I can't do that."

"Come on." He slightly pulled down the covers to expose a little more of her skin. "Your squad is competent enough to handle bad guys without you for a few hours. The precinct won't burn down just because you take a day off, Olivia." His hand had slipped under the sheets and slid down her curves to settle itself behind her knee. Feeling his fingers dancing on her skin sent shivers through her spine, and it made her think more seriously about his proposal. "Plus, we still haven't got the report from the social worker." In one swift movement, he brought her leg up to his thigh and leaned over her. He was right. They were still at a standstill in the investigation, Amanda was taking Noah to school and nothing was waiting for her at work expect the pile of paperwork on her desk.

She plunged her eyes in his, and she wasn't able to resist his charm anymore longer.

"And what would be your excuse, Mister Stone?" His face lit up when he understood she finally accepted his request. That was so easy.

"I think I'm starting to feel a little feverish all of a sudden." He frowned.

"Feverish, uh?" She smirked, sliding her hand behind his neck.

"That's right." He leaned in. "Feverish with desire for a certain Lieutenant." He whispered seductively against her lips, before closing the gap in a hot opened kiss.

* * *

Amanda entered the precinct with a worry look on her face this morning. She had dropped off the kids at school, and called the nanny for Billie. The day started good, but then she received a phone call on her way to work and she couldn't brush the odd feeling she got since then.

"Hey guys." She greeted both Carisi and Fin with a sigh as she dropped her stuff at her desk.

"Woah there, you've got the "I didn't get much of sleep last night" face. Luckily for you, I got you this." Carisi teased her as he handed her usual coffee, before heading to his own desk.

"Billie's giving you troubles?" Fin asked, as he entered the precinct too but had been closed enough to hear the beginning of the conversation.

"No, surprisingly she had slept through the night." She tilted her head. "And the kids were good, really."

"The kids?" Carisi frowned.

"Ah, yes. Noah had spent the night at my house. Jessie wanted to see her friend _so_ badly." She rolled her eyes, smirking at the very same words her daughter had used the other day to ask her mother if the boy could come.

"So, what's the matter?" Fin asked at his turn. Amanda frowned, looking at her phone.

"Olivia called me this morning, saying she was taking the day off." She paused. "I don't know… it's not really her type."

"What did she say? Was she weird?" Fin acknowledged that this wasn't usual coming from Olivia, but he also didn't want to be alarmed for no reason. She had all the rights to take a break, after all.

"She just said she was feeling tired and wanted to rest, that everything was fine and that there was no need to worry." Olivia really insisted on that last part, but her squad couldn't help but worrying. They surely didn't want another Lewis episode to strike.

"Well, then. The Lieu just took a day off." Carisi shrugged, feeling satisfied with the answer. The blonde shrugged too. Maybe they didn't need to worry as she had precisely asked them too. But on the other hand, Fin didn't look quite reassure enough. He kept quiet, but Amanda had noticed something was bugging his mind. She preferred not asking him, knowing he was perfectly capable of handling this situation on his own. She knew him well enough to know that when something was running in his head, Fin wasn't the kind to drop it.

* * *

 _To be continued... How will turn out the day off for Peter and Olivia? Will Fin find out the truth?_


	17. Chapter 17

_**Yup, I'm sorry. I'm late.**_

 _ **This chapter was actually half written since I posted the last one, but it really took me a while to get over Peter's departure. I expected it, we all knew it. But frankly, I wasn't prepared (not as I thought I was!).**_

 _ **I managed to gather all my courage and finish writing this chapter. I'm not really satisfied (am I ever?) with how it turned out with the end but I needed to post it or I was about to go crazy haha. I hope you won't be disappointed. Cheers!**_

* * *

Later in the morning Olivia had been awakened by the smell of coffee and the small noises coming from the room next door. She stretched her sore body under the covers and hummed the sweet smell of caffeine slowly invading her nostrils. She didn't know what time it was, and frankly that was the least of her worries. She couldn't remember the last time she had been able to sleep in without worrying about her son or her work, and she hadn't realized until now how sleep-deprived her mind and body had been. She stretched her arm out on the opposite side of the bed – even though she well knew the man she was looking for wouldn't be there – and found the space empty and cold. Peter had probably been up for a while and she found herself slightly disappointed not to be able to snuggle up against his warm frame once more. She turned her head, while her hand was stroking the spot on the mattress where her lover had been lying a few hours ago and she surprised herself with a grin growing on her face. She was overwhelmed by a feeling of happiness and fullness she never even knew could existed.

With that, she got out of the bed and put on the shirt that was carelessly lying on the edge of the bed. Some pieces of last night rushed in her mind as she spotted their other clothes scattered here and there on the floor. She smiled once again, and bit her lower lip as she tried not to feel too embarrassed about this. It wasn't as if it was the first time she had sex with a man, she was an adult and mature woman. Yet this relationship with Peter made her feel like a teenager. Everything was so different and unique from her previous relationships. Maybe it had something to do with the age difference, the fact that he was younger and that he could make her feel things no other man had ever made her feel before. He was making her rediscover her entire body a little more each time they were making _one._ He awakened senses in her she was unaware of. The chemistry between them was so strong and undeniable.

She walked out the bedroom to join Peter in the kitchen. His back was half turned but she could tell he was busy with making breakfast. He was only wearing his boxer and she could see the muscles of his back tightening with each move his arms were making. She suddenly felt the need to pinch herself, just to be sure she wasn't dreaming. He turned around as he finally spotted her in the corner of his eyes. He looked up at her and offered her his most charming smile. He took a moment to appreciate the view as she was standing at the entrance of the kitchen, only wearing his shirt. Her hair was slightly tousled, and the shirt – too large for her – was falling sideways on her shoulders, suggesting the beginning of her left collarbone. Only the top of her thighs were covered, leaving her endless legs to Peter's insistent sight.

"Hey, sleepy head." He finally greeted her.

"Hey." She simply answered with a slight smile. He extended his arm out, inviting her to come closer and she did as she snuggled her body against him. He immediately dropped a kiss on the top of her head as he wrapped his arm around her neck.

"That smells good." She looked at the scrambled eggs being cooked in the stove.

"I had in mind to bring you breakfast in bed but you woke up faster than I thought." He chuckled. Indeed, Olivia – who didn't seem open to take her day off at first – turned out to be a real groundhog. Peter then saw the opportunity to surprise her, but the idea quickly sank with the sight of her standing in the kitchen a few minutes ago.

She smiled and hid her face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry I ruined your plan." She mumbled, and dropped a kiss on his skin.

"You better make it up to me, Lieutenant." He removed his arm from her shoulder to give her a playful and gentle slap on her butt. He caught her off guard as she didn't expect it at all, but she chuckled anyway and she looked up to meet his mischievous gaze.

"We'll see." She made it sound like a warning but Peter wasn't a fool. His eyes lingered on her mouth and he leaned down slowly to capture her lips. She melted in his embrace, returning his hungry kiss. It didn't last long though, as he had to pull back to check on his baking but the kiss was full of promises for the rest of the day.

Olivia set the table while Peter finished cooking. The domesticity between the two of them felt odd, but it wasn't a bad feeling either. They ate quietly, giving each other quick chat and sharing knowing glances once in a while. After that, it didn't take much effort for the two of them to end in bed again, tangled with each other, still recovering from their love-making session. The need to feel the other, fully, had almost become obsessive, even _vital._ They couldn't get enough of each other's taste, kisses and touches. They laid there for a long time, without sharing words or looks. They simply savored their closeness, in an almost imperturbable silence. With her head rested on the spot of his chest, and her body nestled in his arms, Olivia couldn't have feel more loved and safe. After a while, she pulled back her head and gazed up at him. He seemed to be miles away from here, his eyes lost in somewhere ahead. He didn't even notice her move, and she suddenly felt a twitch in her heart.

"I can hear you thinking." She softly broke the silence, caressing his cheek with the back of her fingers to catch his attention. The touch snapped him out of his thoughts, and he tilted his head towards her.

"Sorry." He mumbled, with a slight smile.

"What's wrong?" She frowned a bit.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about something. That's all, really." He tried to reassure her, but she couldn't tell if he was being honest or trying to fool her. He didn't want his emotions to show up again. He had learned to hold them back with time, to pretend everything was fine when it wasn't. And it worked, most of the time. But not with Olivia. He didn't know how she was doing it, but she always had this will for always noticing when he wasn't being himself.

He felt her insistent gaze on him, and he knew trying to lie to her would have been completely stupid and useless. Sooner or later, she'd find out anyway. He waited a while, and took a deep breath.

"I almost forgot the date, you know." He finally admitted. The silence she offered made him understand she wasn't really sure of what he was talking about and was waiting for more explanation.

"In a week, it will be a year since Pamela…" He let her name fade away on the tip of his tongue, swallowing hard as he couldn't finish his sentence.

"I'm sorry, Peter. I didn't realize-" Olivia closed her eyes for a second.

"Don't. It's fine."

"If you need some sp-" She started to move out from his embrace, but he tightened his grip as soon as he felt her shift and held her steady.

"You, being here in my arms is all I need right now." His green eyes stared deep into her. He was silently begging her not to leave. Slowly, she snuggled back up in his arms.

"If you need help for anything…" She softly said, resting her hand on his bare chest, right on the spot of his heart. He instinctively grabbed her hand, holding it there. He stayed quiet, hesitating for a moment. But it'd been on his mind for a long time now and maybe, _maybe_ if she would be there with him…

"There might be a place I…I would like to go with you."

* * *

Fin'd slipped away during lunch hour, pretending to go eat with his son. But instead, he had a whole other idea in mind.

He had been pondering all morning since Amanda had warned them about Olivia's phone call. He had tried not to seem too worried in front of the unit. He was one of the oldest members – if not the one – of the squad, and had known her longer than anyone else. If he had shown even an ounce of concern, then everyone would have started to worry too and that was the last thing he wanted. He really hoped she was fine. He knew she had been exhausted for the past few weeks, especially because of that little girl case. But she always had to be pushed out of her office to get even the slightest rest. So that call this morning seemed anything but innocent. He had thought of calling her, or even passing by her apartment. But showing up at Olivia's door would have seemed far too intrusive. He was very protective of her, but he knew that she hated feeling mothered and he respected her far too much to cross that line.

It was when he noticed the pile of files on the corner of his desk he still had to bring back to the courthouse that it struck him fully. _Peter Stone._ There was a good chance the Counsellor hadn't heard from Olivia since their last professional encounter, but it was a risk he was willing to take. He knew that Olivia and Stone had gotten closer over the past few months. He didn't know how much, but he had certainly felt a shift in the way they were acting towards each other. He never dared asking the question directly though. Maybe then Olivia would have confided in him, if something was wrong.

The large hall seemed almost empty at this time of the day and for a second Fin hoped that Stone hadn't gone out as well for lunch.

He entered the small hall right before Stone's office, and was immediately greeted by his assistant, who was typing some notes on her computer.

"Sergeant Tutuola, it's nice to see you!" She cheerfully greeted him, standing up from her chair and stretched out her hand to Fin.

"You too, Carmen." He shook her hand briefly.

"I suppose you are here for Mister Stone?"

"That's right."

"I'm afraid to inform you that Mister Stone isn't at his office for the day." She offered him an apologetic smile. "But he informed me he would be there tomorrow first thing in the morning."

"Is everything okay?" Fin couldn't help but frown. This was odd, and he started wondering if this had anything to do with Olivia's day off.

"Oh, yes of course. He had called in sick, which is – I believe – the first time since I started working with him." She smiled softly. "That's quite unusual, but no one is safe from a cold, right?"

"Tell me about it." He simply said, as his brain was slowly gathering the pieces together.

They both called their work to either call in sick or take a day off, two things unusual coming from them. If Fin wasn't so fooled, he would have thought of a simple coincidence. But a little voice deep inside him reminded him of a whole other story. If he was being honest, this wasn't surprising him. He had seen it coming from miles away. From all the men in her life, he was more than okay with her choice. Stone was a good guy; he had proven it many times. Fin even pushed her to give him a second chance when he'd seemed to have broken her trust during the Mila case.

If anything were to happen between these two, he trusted Peter enough to be up to it. Although, a small talk between the two men wouldn't mind Fin.

"Can I perhaps take some of your files?" He had been miles away for a minute and had stood mindlessly in front of Carmen, who politely snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Oh, yeah. That was for Stone." He handed them to her.

"If I can do anything else for you…" She smiled, while settling the files on the pile to her right.

"That's all, thank you Carmen. Have a good day!"

"You too, Sergeant."

And with these words, Fin walked away with a small smile rising on the corner of his mouth.

* * *

Olivia had remained silent the whole ride. She had no idea where he was taking her, but she knew what they were about to do was very important and difficult for Peter. She had figured it out seeing him shutting himself in and noticing his face hardening as they were getting closer to the destination. She hadn't stopped wondering what could make him so quiet and worried, but it was only a matter of time before she discovered it all.

She noticed his hands tightening on the wheel as they finally arrived. She recognized the place immediately as the car drove through the large gate at the entrance. He kept driving at walking speed for a few more minutes, only the sound of gravel crushed under the wheels of the car could be heard now. Olivia knew that they were not here by coincidence, and that Peter had certainly thought long enough before taking her with him to this place.

He had stopped the car on the small driveway and they remained seated in the car for several long minutes. He didn't move, and was staring into outer space.

"Peter…?" Olivia hesitantly asked with a soft voice.

"I haven't been here since the funeral." He finally spoke after a long silence while he kept staring straight ahead. Her heart ached for him. She rested her hand on his forearm, stroking it lightly. She had literally no idea this was one of his stages of mourning and that he still hadn't gone through it. He had always remained silent about this and she never really asked either. This has always been a taboo, until now.

"I wasn't brave enough." He was still talking so quietly, not making eye contact. He felt empty of all strength. His heart was beating wildly against his ribcage. He could feel his limbs stiffening one by one, and his stomach twisting to such an extent that he was becoming nauseous. Getting out of the car was unthinkable. He wasn't sure this was still a good idea, but he was here now. He would have to face his fears, his weaknesses, _his pain_ , all by himself… or almost.

"Do you want me to stay in the car?" She said, in a weak voice. She almost didn't dare asking the question. She didn't know if he needed her, or if he wanted to do this on his own.

"No." He finally turned his head to look at her. His eyes were gleaming. "I can't do this without you." She had seen him cry. She had seen him heartbroken and miserable, but this… This was utterly different.

"Okay." She breathed out, nodding. She all got it now, why her presence was needed. He was not gonna do it, not without her.

Olivia got out of the car first. Peter then mimicked her. He stood there, looking at the hundreds of graves lined up in the distance while she was walking around the car to join him. His sister's was there somewhere, and although he had come here only once almost a year ago now, he hadn't forgotten the way. He was devastated, paralyzed by the fear of having to face his loss that seemed so insurmountable to him. Olivia well knew what it felt like to be unable to move because of the intensity of the fear invading every cells of your body.

The feeling of her warm hand sliding into his kinda brought him back to reality. He lowered his gaze to their now linked hands, and tightened his grip. He tilted his head up, breathing sharply while he was trying to find what little courage he had left. Having Olivia with him at that time of his life was something beyond precious. He knew he wouldn't even have driven to the cemetery if she hadn't been there all along.

Olivia waited patiently next to him. There was no point in rushing him, she knew he needed time and space. Over the years, over cases and experiences, Olivia had learned that one of the hardest lessons in life wasn't to hold on. Letting go was way worse. Whether it was guilt, anger, love or loss. She had tried _so hard_ to go on with her life and pretend she was fine. But what she'd realized was that she couldn't escape it. She had tried to drown it in work, in distractions and had even pretended like it wasn't even there. But it was deep down in her. The only way to go through was by processing and unloading some of the pain she was carrying. Peter was learning how to let go, and she was gonna be there with him, every step of the way.

He turned his head to the side, and his eyes slid back to meet hers. No words were needed. He nodded once, and she knew he was finally ready. They started to walk quietly, hand in hand. She could tell he was struggling hard not to break down right now. Every step he was taking felt even more painful and heavy than the last.

They arrived faster than Peter would have wanted. Olivia squeezed his hand one last time before letting go to take a few steps back. She wasn't gonna leave. She knew he might need more space than he thought in the first place. She was gonna stand behind him, just in case. What he was about to do, she couldn't do it for him. He had to face his demons alone, and all she could do was standing by and being there for him.

Peter stood still, silently. Reading her name carved on the gravestone had completely frozen him. It felt scary, painful… It felt _real._ He suddenly felt lost, like a frightened little boy. He wanted to leave, to go home and drown his sorrow in an old bottle of scotch. Numbing the pain was all he could do.

"I-I don't know…" He paused, and turned to look at her. "What am I supposed to say?" He didn't know how to do it or where to start. He had so much to say.

"It's okay. You can start with whatever's crossing your mind." She shrugged, offering him a supportive smile. He nodded, and took a deep breath. Peter wasn't the type to open his heart facing pain and death. He didn't even say goodbye to his father, he had simply grieved. But for Pamela, it was different. If he wanted to overcome his loss, he knew he would have to drop his walls completely, to let himself out and take out everything he had buried deep inside him.

"I… I brought your favorite flowers." He started shyly. He rested the tiny bouquet on the top of the headstone and kept going.

"I know how much you liked them." He softly smiled. "You always wanted to observe the flowers when I was visiting you." But as another silence settled down, his smile faded away with the brief thought of what he was gonna say next.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I couldn't- I couldn't face the reality."

He had never learned how to deal with his pain. His father had always taught him to never let even an ounce of emotion appear on his face. A lawyer always had to be untouchable, _unreadable_. So when Pamela died in front of his eyes, he did what he had always done: forget the pain. He'd never had to face his weakness like this before.

"Not a day goes by without thinking about you. Whenever I see something you used to like or we used to do as kids…. You're everywhere, but at the same time you're not. And it hurts." His voice cracked, and all the tears he had been holding back until now began to flow down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry I didn't protect you." He managed to say with a trembling voice. His vision became blurry as the tears gathered at the edge of his eyes. Olivia scoped closer, and laid a hand on his shoulder blade. He immediately turned his head, without meeting her gaze. He had almost forgotten about her presence as he'd let himself go with the words bleeding out from his chest.

"You-You told me I was a good brother to her, but that was a lie!" His words were harsh to her. There was a slight anger cutting the air. Olivia knew it wasn't personal, so she didn't say a thing and let him talk. "I was such a good brother than when I visited her after my father died, she didn't even recognize me."

"She knew you loved her, Peter. And she loved you, too."

"I failed her, Olivia!" He almost shouted.

His body was jerking even more with each word. It was heartbroken to witness this, but Olivia stayed strong for him. Even though she wanted to cry with him, to take all his pain away, she managed to keep her own tears at bay.

"She died, because of _me_. I was the one who insisted on carry on with the case. I knew the treats and the risks but still I didn't think of her sake for a minute. This- This is my fault!" He took his face in his hands. "This is all my fault… I killed her. I killed my sister."

These last words finished him off as he broke down in the cemetery. He let himself drop on his knees, sobbing violently and still holding his head in his hands.

"Oh, Peter…" She breathed out, leaning to hold him. Olivia then understood it all. The loss of sister wasn't the only thing destroying him – although losing a loved one was terribly traumatic – but the weight of guilt that'd been eating him alive without mercy ever since. She had no idea how he felt deep inside. How could she not have seen this before? How could she not understand sooner that he felt responsible for his sister's death? Olivia felt miserably helpless in front of him. At this particular moment, even the hand tenderly brushing the back of his skull was bringing him no comfort.

"I'm sorry, Pamela." He raised his head, and laid a hand on his sister's tombstone. "I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me."

* * *

 _To be continued..._


End file.
